Natural Sceptre

Hello Saturday world.  How’s it going?  Things around here are the usual.  Sleeping in llaattee (every book/magazine I read encourages me to savor sleeping in, or sleeping at all, pre-baby-exit-event.  NOT a problem) and then getting up and cleaning up a bit.  Jonathan is moving out tomorrow, so I’ll wait until we get him settled to clean the office, do laundry (machines in the office) and vacuum out the stairwell.  But other than that, we’ve been doing some good tidying around here this morning/afternoon.

Last night I drove all over creation trying to think of something for us to do, and we ended up at, BIG SURPRISE, the bookstore.  I read Glamour and Mommy Magazines and had some really good hot chocolate while John went and made a pile of “I wish” books and went through them.  One day we will be able to spend RECKLESSLY, HA ha ha ha….or, well, just at least buy books and things when we desire them.  For the moment though, we are on a serious budget.  The budget is called, “Holy crap we’re going to have a baby and we’re trying to go to school and although we have a pretty cheap living situation, whoa….this is gonna cost a LOT.”  So, aside from little things here and there….we’re lookers, and not buyers.

Another interesting side-affect of “the budget” is that we haven’t gone out to a movie in a LONG time.  I’ve come to realise that we’ve probably spent a crapload of money on STUPID movies that were almost too painful to sit through. As I’ve tried to find a movie that we could go out and see just because it’d be nice to have a treat…I can’t justify ANY of them.  I find myself saying, “We can rent that when it comes out.”  And we have, that’s how I finally saw Dan in Real Life.  VERY worth seeing, by the way.  But others that I would have just rushed out to see before (like..Atonement, or In the Land of Women) turned out to be hardly worth the 3 bucks we spent to have them around for a week.  It’s an interesting realization.

So what will we do today?  Well, we have to run to the store to pick up a couple of things.  I think I’m going to make a crockpot of chicken soup tomorrow.  It’s ALWAYS good and I can eat it all day long. Yum.  We need sundry grocery items and couple of things here and there, and we’re pretty good at pretending like Harmon’s is a “date,” so I think we’re set.  Tonight we’ll probably sit around with the little brother and watch him pack…perhaps rent a movie, MAYBE?  I do want to rent 27 dresses, and there was another one floating around that I desired to see….So we’ll see if we can get our paws on something interesting enough.  But that’s about it.  A boring post for a relaxing day.

In other news- I start school this week.  I’ll be going up to Sugar House Tuesday, Wednesday, AND Thursday for orientations and my first two classes.  It should be PRETTY busy on top of work and all.  But at least payroll is done Monday.  So sweeet, bring it on.

New pregnancy symptoms: The absolute nausea seems to have passed, but now my body has started to hurt.  Kind of feels like I’ve been exercising a lot.  Funny how that works, huh?  But at least I’ve got a bit more energy.

I’m planning on putting together my own mixes for lullabies, by the way, so if you have any favorite songs that work as nice baby soothers, let me know.  I’d be interested to check ‘em out.  Also- let me know if you’re interested in the final product.  I don’t mind sharing!

Jonathan: Hey Sister, notice anything?

He sticks his tongue out at me.

Me: No.  Ew.  What?

Jonathan: LOOK.

Me: Where’s your tongue ring?

Jonathan: Well, it was bothering me.  I was moving it around and it was clicking against my teeth.  I figured that’s not going to be good, later in life.

John: You figured? Or someone told you?

Jonathan: No, I pretty much just realised it on my own.

And this people, is one of the many reasons my brother cracks me up.

So- I’ve decided to move on from the song title thing. Mostly- they were only amusing- or even made sense- to me. So I think I’ll give it up for awhile.

So, this morning we slept in (Saturday, soooo nice) then got up and proceeded to do the house cleaning we do each week. We then went on a “date,” meaning….Taco Bell, the carwash, and Walmart. Haha. We got a TON of cleaning products- and one pair of weeee pantalones for our impending baby. I think I’m finding out that I’m loving the whole “frog prince” baby thing. The pants I found were on $3 and had teeny little frogs and turtles on them. I think $3 is great for something Little Camper will probably be able to wear for what, like, two weeks? before he starts putting on weight and popping out of the newborn clothes. To be honest, I’m not sure how that works. I guess I’ll find out.

But I DO have a question- so there are all these “green” cleaning products in WalMart that advertise all natural products, safety on cooking services, etc. My only issue is, they don’t say antibacterial. I’m a big fan of antibacterial….but is it really necessary? So tell me, have you gone green? And if so, do they clean as well? And if not, are these bleach products going to poison Little Camper’s little body?

So, then…on the way home…John and I started into a conversation that we actually have quite often. It is a continuation of conversations in which we have figured out that a) he can’t read my mind and b) he won’t notice (by nature of his boy-ness…or just his particular disposition) when it’s time to move the laundry to the laundry room, or do the dishes, etc. What we’ve decided in the past is that I just need to ASK him to do things. I was cool with this- until it started to go one of two ways. Either I figured I shouldn’t ASK him to do something I can just do ( I mean, how lazy is THAT?) or I did ask him, but apparently in a way that made it sound like he needed to drop what he was doing and do what I asked him to do. The funny thing was, I was taking EXTRA CARE not to sound like that, and in all my trying and question preparation time, I was actually just setting him up to be annoyed…somehow…which is turn, was setting me up to be frustrated. Finally, at the end of the conversation when I had decided that I just couldn’t win I sarcastically said, “Fine, what do you want me to do? Make a list of all the things that need to be done and just stick your name next to half the stuff and write when it needs to be done?”

His answer:

“Yes, yes actually. That would work out really well.”

I started laughing. Turns out, in trying to treat him in a way that I thought I was being super nice and polite, I was actually just being annoying. (At least to him.) One more adventure that teaches us that sometimes we just have to figure out the best way to communicate, and not expect the best way to be the way we think it’s going to be. The one thing that I thought would be demeaning and/or a throwback to the living with roommates days might actually be exactly what he wants. It’ll be a clear, consistent expectation that we don’t have to “talk about” all the time. Sweet. I’ll keep you posted. It seriously cracked me up.

So….the little brother has been with us since Tuesday. It’s been pretty good. It’s nice to actually see him, although I rather not see him at 7am walking through my bedroom in his underwear (the bathroom is through our bedroom). But I like having him around. Gives me time to check up on him and see what he’s up to. His girlfriend is nice- and doesn’t seem to mind hanging around with us, which is a good thing. He works a LOT, so he’s not around enough for me to get bugged. Haha, oh little brothers.

Last night- as well, we went and registered for some baby stuff at Babies ‘R’ Us. It was harder than I thought it would be, that’s for sure! There are so MANY things to think about….and they gave us lists and reading materials to figure out what’s what…so once I go through that I’ll probably get online and revise the things John scanned. We’ve got a few months to get it all figured out, but I love registries because it let’s you feel like you’re shopping without spending money prematurely or filling your house with stuff you don’t need yet.

My biggest questions right now are

a) what kind of bottles do you think baby would like? We’re planning on a mixture of breast and bottle feeding that will allow Little Camper to get super amounts of super nutrients but also give me some freedom. So while your thinking about it….what do you think of pumping? Cause that scares me to DEATH.

and

b) Is it cool to wait for stuff like a high chair and a circle thing with the toys and the teetering (I don’t know what those are called) because really…he won’t be able to hang out in those for awhile.

Yeah….this whole experience has been rather enlightening. First of all, I realised that there is a good chance that I’ll be pumping breast milk like…at work…at school….in PUBLIC. Which I didn’t realise. Cause if I was home, I could just feed the kid directly, right? Apparently John already knew that…or had realised it somewhere between the isle for the breast pumps and the “naturally” shaped bottles that allow Little Camper to go back and forth between the two without getting all confused. I DID educate him on one issue, however, in a discussion in which I told why we should definitely circumcise Little Camper. John was apparently thinking either way would work…but I informed him that we’re definitely going for it, because otherwise we’ll have to teach him some hygiene tips that are altogether avoided with a timely snip snip after birth. I mean….I know boys and the effort they like to put into “self-care.” It’s best if everything is as easily cleanable as possible. I know people who would disagree with me, but just check out this article and the interesting, yet clinical word “smegma” to know what I mean. Seriously. Smegma.

And yes, this is now what we talk about on Friday nights. Fun, huh?
Ok- time to switch the laundry and then go wash MY car. I heart Saturdays.

I’m so incredibly tired today.  Work was quite a struggle- all people who opposed me got kicked in the head.  Ok, maybe only in my mind.  But still, it was pretty rough.  My tiredness could be due to a couple things.  First, growing a human inside me.  Second, sympathy tiredness from John staying up until 2am to study last night.  Third, moving my little bro in.  Last night I went and got my brother from his apartment and moved him into our office/baby’s room/junk room.  The room is now full to capacity- which is always a wee stressful to me.  But I’m trying to be chill about the whole lots of stuff thing.  He’ll move into a new place on the 1st, so in the meantime…I guess we’ll just enjoy the boy’s company.  He stayed home sick from work today and I actually had the thought, “He’s seriously just sitting there, breathing all over my stuff.”  It irked me, so I came home from lunch and brought him some Lysol and instructed him to spray everything he touched.  Because he has a cold.  On the way out the door he kissed the top of my head and then proceeded to cover my head with a cold, wet, sanitizing spray.  Thanks brother.
John finished his finals today Good job him.  This semester was rough, what with all the job changes and the fact that he now has to go to campus on his own, and the baby which by extension means my emotional instability…I can see how it’s hard to do the student thing some days.  He studied quite a bit this week- and I’m happy to say he moving on to the next thang in the progression.  Which involves more classes…but also just two terms and one more semester before graduation.  When I was driving home from work tonight I saw a guy and a girl in robes up by the Cougar taking pictures in their caps and gowns, a small baby between them.  It really is quite the thing to do around here, isn’t it?  I’m not going to walk- I’m not sure if John will desire to walk.  But I think the accomplishment still stands.  Another remarkable, albeit quiet achievement that gets us moving in the right direction.

I think it might actually start to be spring a bit around here.  On my drive home there is a road entirely lined with purple flowering trees.  They’re the type that look gorgeous and flowery for about 3 weeks, and then loose all their flowers and fill in with a bunch of leafy green.  I hear that there might be snow tomorrow morning (hence the reason I still haven’t washed my car, although is has become a birdy porta-potty) but I’m holding out for warm weather and flip flops.  Please please please.

Just feeling generally good today. Life is sweeet. I was able to get a bunch of little things done yesterday post nap, for example…got my “loan exit counseling” done so I’m all set to graduate. I got a card from my Mom celebrating. I heart my Mom.  I can’t believe I really am ALMOST a college graduate. I also got the stuff together for our new phone mail-in-rebates…it’ll be a bit before we get them but my eyes are already glistening with excitement at the thought of a trip to Costco once they come in. ALSO, I got the classes I wanted for this summer. It’s been a long time in coming- I’ve had to check every day for a couple of months, but when I went on last night they had magically created another section and WA LA. The schedule I wanted/needed for this summer, all set to go. In order to be a half-time student I needed four credits. I signed up for Intro to Teaching Writing, a 1 credit course on Wednesday nights for the month of May. There are only 4 classes, so I don’t have to worry about that one getting in the way of work too much. The problem was that there were only two 3 credit classes offered, one twice a week (Technical Writing) and one once a week (Effective Presentations). I REALLY wanted to take Effective Presentations, not because I just LOVE to speak in public…but because it meets on Thursdays from 6-9. This means a few things. First, I won’t have to leave work early, an hour is plenty of time to make it to Sugar House from here, and I’ll only have to go up once a week after May. This is good, as I’m sure my girth will be increasing and I’ll be getting more and more tired as Little Camper gets bigger. (This is my new online name for the fetus.) I just feel like it worked out perfectly, just perfectly, and what was previously stressing me out a bit has turned out to be something I’m excited to start.

I’m actually getting a little freaked that I’m going to work so hard to arrange it so that I can stay home with Little Camper (post-exit) and then go absolutely stir crazy. I was talking to my Mom about this before, and I hate not working. I’ve pretty much assumed that I’ll be staying at my current job for the duration of our time in Utah- but I’m looking at how it works out with John’s schedule and I KNOW it doesn’t make sense for us to get childcare. With so many decisions to make about what to do and what not to do and when to do it- I think I really need to take a breath and look at it from John’s perspective…let’s make the moves as it becomes time. You know me, I hate waiting and I HATE uncertainty. But I guess that’s what makes it fun, huh? Yeah. Fun. Plus, for all it’s headaches, I’m settling into my job quite well these days. Sure, I get jealous of John’s student lifestyle at times, but I’ve got it pretty good, too. I guess another thing that really bugs me is the whole “This is what you should do because God says so” aspect of it all. I think that perhaps, just maybe, John and I have our fingers on the pulse of what we’re meant to be doing with ourselves making adjustments as necessary. The prevailing mindset in Provo, however, is “do it our way or be shunned.” I’ve already encountered a little judgment with my desire to start grad school this summer (as if cookin’ a baby requires me to stay home and knit stuff?) and with the good possibility that John and I will be juggling Little Camper around two hopefully complimentary work/school schedules. God FORBID John has to give him a bottle every once in awhile. Anyway, that’s my rant on that. If it didn’t make much sense it’s because I’m still trying to figure it out in my head.

The last couple of days have been pretty fun. I mean- who doesn’t love a good meltdown over Flintstone vitamins? As John and I were having our nightly “huddle around the vitamin counter” moment last night, he made an offhand (joking) comment about how I eat all the red ones. This hit me so hard that I immediately starting crying (the hard, can’t breath, can’t stop the tears kind of crying) intermixed with laughing because I felt so stupid that I was crying over vitamins. He just hugged me and said, “Whoa. That was an unexpected one.” Yes, yes, it was.

I’ve also been dreaming about floods again. I have NO IDEA why these dreams have suddenly come back. I remember having my first flood dream when I was about 5 years old. I had then the whole time I was growing up- but they stopped when I went on my mission. I haven’t had a flood dream for years- generally they’re set in CT at one of the houses I grew up in, and normally I’m doing regular type stuff when a flood warning is issued and I’ve got to find my family and make sure we’re all safe. True to form, that’s how they’ve been again. It’s weird dreaming about CT after all this time, and the odd thing is that I keep dreaming about people who have passed away as if they’ve been in CT this whole time. Pregnancy hormones, you think? Who knows. Ok- back to work.

My husband gave me the stinkeye in church today.  He gave me a weird look, and I said, “Don’t give me the stinkeye!” (Juno inspired, of course) He responded with the ACTUAL stinkeye.  Rather well done, if I do say.  I spent the rest of the meeting him begging him to do it again and having him call me a child.  Hmmmm….in other news, we went to the zoo yesterday.  Things went well until I saw the gorilla.  He just looked at me kind of sadly…he was too smart to be in there.  It ALMOST killed the joy I felt at seeing the baby giraffe…which was bigger than I thought it would be.  All in all, it was about an hour and a half of walking up and down hills, which was probably good for me.  I should definitely make it a habit to walk more during the week.

In other OTHER news, my husband has called off the bet.  During conference I lost a bet (having something to do with which speaker was next) and got stuck with the punishment of picking the next 100 movies, restaurants, activities….you name it, I had to pick it.  John hates picking things, and I hate asking him to and then going back and forth for hours trying to figure out what we’re going to watch/do/eat…so as a result of the bet I was stuck with the completely autonomous decision making power.  I think I probably got about 5 in before he called it off.  Apparently, because “I’m a good one.”  Phew.  Good thing, cause I had just decided to make him watch Juno 100 times.

More later…..

This is gonna be short because I’m way tired- but we found out today that our baby is a boy Shocker, huh?  For some reason we were working under the assumption "girl," but I think we’re both finding out that reality and a for real honest-to-goodness PROOF of an ultrasound feels better (and scarier) and more exciting than anything we might have had in our heads before.  Now we just have to figure out a name!  Suggestions are being taken from anyone who cares to venture one.  One condition, you have to have a reason for suggesting it.  (My Dad came up with that one earlier when he suggested Gordon "because it’s cool.") Today went by like a flash- busy all day at work, came home to run to WalMart, go on a walk down the hill and back, and then some house stuff before heading to bed.  I’m BEAT, I’m happy.  I feel- like a Mom.  Just a little.  And I’m going to have a little boy.

John updated my behind the scenes blogging-stuff…so it looks all new and shiny back here now. Wish you could see- but then again, this is where all the magic happens. So I think I’ll leave it a mystery. So….it’s been a few days! This weekend has been remarkably chill. I haven’t even made John help me with the insane cleaning I usually require each Friday or Saturday. Meaning…besides the bare essentials…we haven’t really done it. I guess it can wait for this week some time.

Friday evening we had Jonathan and his new girlfriend C over for “Spaghetti Dinner” and visiting. Jonathan is so funny- he made some quick noddles with sauce, threw some bread in the oven, and we all sat around the kitchen eating. It was only about an hour, but it was nice to get to meet her and talk to her a bit. I accidentally MIGHT have told C about how Jonathan can’t eat long spaghetti because he choked on it when he was a kid….a half-in/half-out, Mom required for a rescue mission puking it back on your plate kind of incident. It’s actually surprising to me that I can eat long spaghetti still. Hmmm. She just laughed, and I think he’ll forgive me.

After that it was too late to really do anything- so John and I just sat around and watched TV. Saturday we were up and running around. It was gorgeous weather, so we went and got some lunch and drove up the canyon to sit and eat it. After that we ended up running to motherhood maternity to see if there was anything I could fit myself into. Turns out I found some GREAT shorts for about $15 (sweeet) and then after a few more hours of running around (and some window shopping in various stores including REI) I also ended up with a couple of shirts as well, and a new skirt. I’m not huge, by any means, but when I tried to put on my last skirt that really works last night…well, let’s just say it used to be calf length and hit me at the waist, and now it sits under my bra and gets to my knees. Haha. I got things a little bit so hopefully they’ll last for awhile. Then…what did we do….watched a movie, hung out, went to bed.

This morning we woke up and went up to Layton for a family event. It was really nice- I ate like a p-, um pregnant woman… (about 20 strawberries, I think, props to Kim on finding such huge ripe strawberries!) and listened to John and an assortment of siblings and parents remember a trip to….well, I forget where to exactly…except that it included a “five” mile hike that turned out to be something around 15 miles….and an exciting swim for Kim when she got caught in the current of the Rio Grande and ended up swimming over to Mexico. And then back. Hahaha. Seriously- that’s hysterical. The highlight of the day, though, was when Jared and Emily showed up and Cadence yelled, “Erin!” and decided to sit by me while she got used to everyone in the room and take in her surroundings. I remember the days when it was me she was getting used to! This was a really nice event because it wasn’t about me or John or the wedding or anything- we just got to be part of the family. Maybe it was especially nice for me because I didn’t have to worry about wearing a pretty dress or being gracious and thanking everyone in sight…I could just enjoy family. I’m glad we went up and saw everyone.

I got a nice nap in on the ride home from Layton (oh, if only I could do that every day) (the nap, not the drive to Layton) and then came home and had some pancakes. Yes…more eating. Tomorrow is back to the grind, but not before we have our second ultrasound. We could very well know what the baby is tomorrow morning. I guess we’ll just have to see. I don’t want to get my hopes up…too much. But it would be nice to know. It would help us with names. We’ve got a few girl ideas…but NO boys ideas. Not really, anyway. Nothing we can agree on.

Well, I think I might be due for a snack. Peanut butter and toast anyone?

So the big news:

I PASSED!! I have completely and utterly passed my online science class. Nothing left to do…nothing left to study. And THAT means- I’m done with my undergraduate coursework. I will, in all actuality, graduate this April. This, of course, comes with a butt load of non-student type responsibilities…but I’m hoping that I can stay in the game with grad school, which I start on May 8th. I just hope I get the classes I need. I feel relieved, I think I knew it was going to be ok this time…(although don’t ask John about that because he will attest to the fact that I was a crying miserable mess of BYU-directed anger the night before the final) but you know. You never know. Come April I will be a college graduate.

Today I took a long lunch to go to the doctor. This was the final test- I really needed to figure out how I felt about her. She came in and although she was still in a hurry, I was just a little more assertive about what I needed. I made a list of questions I needed to ask, and when she was done with what she had to do I said I had a couple of things to ask her. She stopped, and listened, and answered. Also- she ordered a blood test to check my thyroid. I know this might sound stupid…but I told her that my heart rate seemed elevated (as it always kind of has) and she said we should get it checked. So there. She did something. With regard to my health. Good job her. Also- Monday morning we have our next ultrasound! We will probably/maybe be able to find out if our baby is a boy or girl. We’ll keep ya posted.

So my brother came over tonight. He had to pick up his pants. He did laundry here on Sunday afternoon and ended up leaving all of his jeans in my dryer for a couple of days, and so he showed up in mesh shorts. That, however, is not what I noticed. What I REALLY noticed were his shoes. He had one brown one with white detail (think DC skater shoes) and one white one with brown detail. Hmmm. I said, “Jonathan, are you wearing two different shoes?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Well, you told me to get more than just one pair.” I DID, actually, tell him to get more than one pair of shoes….but I did not mean that he should get similar shoes and then just wear the pairs interchangeably. But that’s my little brother. I won’t even tell you about the rest of our conversation tonight…but I will tell you that it started with him asking about the feasibility of “selling” a testicle for a certain amount of money. Sigh. Oh brother. Moving on…

Actually. I think that’s about it. More later.