I’m really not at all sure what I can write. Secret thoughts? Those are secret. Philosophical theories? THOSE are not so developed…and a little secret. Day to day drudgery? Could. I can only think of one person who would be interested.
SO! Tonight we put Cadence to bed. Finally. This is the second time we’ve sat for her, and last time it was a bit difficult. Meaning: she screamed her head off whenever we left the room. This time there were no pretenses. We camped out on the floor fully intending to stick it out- the long haul- no scootching out of the room on all fours like last time just to hear her stir and say, “Maaaaaaaa.” Truthfully, I like to watch her sleep. Children have this intense manner of sleeping- they are about as intent about sleeping as most grownups are about their day jobs. When Cadence sleeps her face acquires a certain stern aspect. As if she’s getting it done.
So now there are just a few things to do. I’ve managed to procrastinate a few different chores until the very last minute (not true, the last minute would be tomorrow). And really, all I want to do is cuddle. And, just for the record, I have NEVER been a cuddler. Maybe with my Mom and Dad and little Bro…but in the past, if any conquest tried to cuddle a little I’d just look at him as if to say, “Really? You think so?” and get up to get a soda. I’m a pretty impatient girl. I think I’m changing quite a bit lately.
Sometimes….
I want to cook stuff.
Ok, pretend like I didn’t write that.
SO, I’ve pretty much decided that this is going to have to be something I do. Perhaps this very page could be the thing that could help me relax in my writing. You have to understand, the last thing I sat down to write seriously was a paper comparing Donnellan and MacKay and the Humpty Dumpty theory of naming. Looking at that, unless you know philosophy of language, I guess that looks like anything but serious writing. My point IS that I spend too much time analyzing every word, every phrase, every point of diction and grammar you could imagine. I need to learn to just write- and not even worry about what comes out, or, more aptly…the form it presents itself in. I wonder what I miss out on writing because I spend too much time revising my opening paragraphs. What could have come at the end, if only I had not exhausted myself and given up just as it was getting good?
We’ll see. So. This is going to be random. It may be rambling. It may be personal, and it could be boring. But it’s an experiment. Here goes.
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