Natural Sceptre

On our way home from the shoe store this evening, I was casually singing along with a CD when all of a sudden, the trucks (2) in front of us stopped moving. John wondered aloud what was going on, and all of a sudden a little white poof ball (dog) ran off to the right. It wasn’t moving quickly enough for the trucks, which had probably almost just hit it, so they started beeping their horns. We could all see that the dogs was about to…um…crap itself with fright. I made a little noise and John pulled over, I opened my doors, and Gigi ran into my arms. Oh Gigi. We checked the tag (14K Gold, by the way…said it on the back) and called the number. Turned out she had escaped from just across the street. Little girl didn’t make it very far before almost dying. Good thing there are some friendly dog-loving patient people in the world. Gigi is safe. For now.

Tis Thursday. Jonathan is settling in. Water heater is fixed up. Things are looking good. The good news of the week is that I got a grant for school next semester. I was NOT looking forward to tuition next semester (as if people look forward to tuition) mostly because I’m embarking on “the extra semester.” This past year was my senior year, and as a result of leaving Scranton, going on a mission, and then coming to BYU, I still have a few odds and ends to finish up. In other words, one extra semester of science, religion, and a few more philosophy requirements. I was a little miffed that I’d need to pick up an extra semester. All the same, I knew that my choice to go to England was the right one. And Ta-Da! The money is there for me. Amazing. Do what you’re meant to do, and things work out. Sometimes they work out last-minute like, but they always do. I don’t know why I worry.

I can’t believe it’s June tomorrow. That means two months and three days until the BIG day. It’s also means I’ve been home from England for over a year. Time flies very, very, very fast. Let’s do some highlights from the past year!

-May 2006 Got home from England. Spent summer with family working for Victoria’s Secret. Became obsessed with pancakes.

-August 2006 Moved to Provo. Living with Becca and Shelly. Experienced “The Single’s Ward” for the first time. Went to first/last YSA activity. Ended fascination with pancakes.

-September 2006 Started classes at BYU. Met John in Philosophy of Film. Began to receive wedding invitations from friends/mission companions at new address.

-November 2006 First Thanksgiving home from the UK. Felt sick all day- celebrated by having fish and rice with John, and watching A Prairie Home Companion.

-December 2006 End of the Semester! First Christmas home from the UK. Flew home to New England. Received snow shoes and lots of love. And good food.

-January 2007 New Years! First time having a “boy” home for the holidays. Psuedo got engaged in New Hampshire. Freaked out, and ended up REALLY engaged on the 12th. Became a manager at Victoria’s Secret. New semester started!

-February 2007 Turned 24! I’m an actual grownup as of this month.

-March 2007 Moved into new place, soon to be “married apartment. Took engagement pictures. Apparently I studied.A lot.

-April 2007 Finally got fed up with Vicky’s and began new job with StormPort/Everest Web.

-May Little brother came to live with me for the summer! Celebrated a year home from the mission.

And that’s me, caught up. I’ll see if there are any other super-salient events to add in later on.

So! Little brother has arrived. He is set up in the “guest” room. Other than the fact that the water heater decided to leak in celebration of his arrival- all is well. Today we went out for a late birthday celebration hotdog/Pirates 3 movie. Watching the Pirates movies has officially become something that feels like work to me. I want to see them, but at the same time, I feel tired at the end. I think they could’ve done a lot better if they would have shortened them up. I’m happy with the way it all ended, but I’m really, really hoping that no one feels inspired to make another one.

I’m really glad the brother is here, I think it’s going to take a little getting used to- living with another person again. I’ve been a bit spoiled having sole reign of everything, but I’ve found that having people I love around me is far better than having control of the remote/kitchen/bathroom all of the time.

In other news- the long weekend has been nice. We’re trying to get stuff planned for the wedding- guestlists, invitations, and a hundred other odds and ends. The final dress fitting is happening on Wednesday, I hope it turns out ok!! AND, we pick up our rings on the 6th. I’m so excited for that.We designed them all, using my grandmother’s diamonds for my engagement ring and choosing designs for the wedding bands. Now we’re searching for something to engrave inside the bands. So far the only thing we’ve thought of is “Love’s Abiding Joy,” in honor of our first date and the absolute worst movie either of us has sat through. But then I wonder, do I want the name of a terribly corny movie inside my ring forever? It would be funny, though.

Just noticed that the timestamp on my blogs are 5 or 6 hours later than I’ve written them. So take that into account I do very little at 5am besides sleep. I attempted to adjust the setting…so good luck me.

It’s Friday again! That seems a little crazy- the week has flown by so fast! Work is good. We’re getting a process down, the book feels full of promise. I wondering if I’m as passionate about the subject matter that we’re writing about as I am about this new experience in writing and editing. Only time will tell- all I know is that I’ve found a job that’s giving me daily insight into something I think I may want to be doing for awhile in addition to insight into things I’ve never considered but find rather interesting. That’s pretty good, I think.

That brings me to my next topic. I picked up my application for graduation today. I stood impatiently as a soft-spoken man reviewed the last four years of my life, deciding for me if it was time to move on. I’ve just got some odds and ends to finish- more a result of transferring than anything else. Also, my little foray into “International Studies” proved a bit of a time waster- I should have met up with economics sooner. As he scrolled through my life, muttering and making notes to himself, I realised that it’s happened AGAIN. I’ve made it through (or almost made it through) yet another milestone just to realise it’s a joke. Don’t get me wrong- I’m SO GLAD that I’ve chosen to get a degree, I’ve loved my major, and I feel (contrary to popular belief) that I’ve learned some valuable things. However, that illusion that college somehow helps you decide what to do in your life is shattered. It seems like there will never be an end to decision making. Sure, I’ve almost completed a degree, but most people don’t end up working in their field. I still get to wake up every day and wonder what I’m going to do- what I’m qualified to do.

John and I were talking the other day, and I came to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people. People with experience, and people with promise. Most people have a bit of both, but start their career expedition at one end of the spectrum. I’m (hopefully, at least) in the promise end of all that. I’ve had some experience, sure, but when I’m forced to pitch my abilities, talking through my experience lasts about 14 seconds, and the rest is pitching the promise. It’s not a bad thing- it just happens to be the stereotypical state of post-undergrad, pre-grads.

So: current plans, pursue editing/publishing. I need to take a deep breath and remember what my FAVOURITE teacher told me once. My senior year of high school, I took two (maybe three?) of Mr. Duquette’s classes. (We were on a block schedule, so we went through more classes, less time.) At some point during the year, I “realised” I wanted to teach English. I was madly passionate about books. Mr. Duquette supplied a list of books I’d never considered before, and had quite the experience reading. For example, he had us reading Jonathan Kozol’s Amazing Grace while simultaneously reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. He seemed to concoct reading recipes- putting seemingly disparate subjects together to make a point. Some of us got it, sometimes.

ANYWAY, after one particularly interesting lesson, I felt completely overwhelmed. I wanted, so badly, to be able to do what he did. And Mr. Duquette had a nasty habit of giving me D’s. I was a straight-A student in High School, but for some reason, Mr. Duquette gave me D’s. I would ask him and he would just say, “You missed it,” or “That’s not your best.” It drove me CRAZY. Turned out he was trying to teach me something he thought I needed to learn…but that’s another story for another day. I went up to his desk after class one afternoon and had to fight back emotional alligator-type tears to ask him if he thought I could ever be a teacher. He looked at me and said, “I’ve got a secret to show you.” He moved some things around on his desk, and uncovered three huge, black binders. Inside were magazine clippings, articles from the newspaper, photo-copies of passages from books, hand-written notes… I don’t know how old Mr. Duquette was, probably early 60’s, but it was clear that he had spent a lot of time finding things and reading things and learning things. He told me that there was no way I could remember everything. That’s why people started writing things down in the first place. The next day he gave me something. A book called Alicia’s Journey. He said that he had picked it up from the bookstore and was thinking about adding it to the reading list for next year. He didn’t have time to read it, though, and wanted me to check it out. I went home and read it all in a couple of hours. I was expecting an amazing book- I thought it was going to give me direction in life, contain some secret message/wisdom from my mentor. It sucked. It was weird, and I didn’t enjoy it at all. I told him the next day that I hadn’t liked it - that I didn’t feel like it had any kind of coherent message, and that it made me feel lost. He said thanks, and that he wouldn’t bother adding it to the list. Looking back now I realise that he was actually just showing me what kind of skills you really need to do his job- and it had nothing to do with knowing everything. He was a smart guy. Sometimes I wish I could still have him as a mentor. He died shortly after I left town to go to college- but I’m glad I got to take some classes from him and form an attachment. He was remarkable.

Anyway…I didn’t really expect to remember all that. I guess that point is that I don’t feel qualified to pursue some of my goals in life. I guess the point of this is that I really haven’t ever felt qualified to take the next step, and yet, it always seems to work out. College applications, Freshman year all the way up to my mission, transferring schools, the various jobs and opportunities I’ve had along the way. I think I expect things to happen Bass Ackwards sometimes. As if I need to be qualified for life that I haven’t lived yet- that I have to be “ready” to experience the things that will make me ready and make me qualified.

A very long entry saying that I just need to chill out.

I am absolutely OBSESSED with the iGoogle homepage! You can personalize your homepage with your Google calendar, to-do lists, favorite websites, and LOADS of other stuff! I’ve got Jack Handy quotes, mapquest, the weather and time here and at home, and get this: a countdown to the wedding! What ever you want- you got it! It feels like a control panel for life. I get the national geographic picture of the day, and a link to the best-selling books through Amazon. On top of ALL of it, I loaded a city theme. It’s got rows of houses and buildings along the top of the page, and it mirrors the time of day of where I’m at! To create your own page, just go to the Google Search Engine. Click on iGoogle at the top, or you can go straight there by clicking here.

It’s a lot of fun. Yes John. I am the demographic.

Life feels hectic. I’m not sure how…but it does.

I had an interesting experience in the Post Office today. I was standing in an outrageously long line when the woman in front of me grabbed my left hand and said, “When are you getting married?” I was there to drop something off for work, and was completely caught off guard by a stranger not only touching me, but maintaining contact for what seemed like 14 years. It didn’t end there, while oldish woman held my hand and began the normal round of motherly-type advice I seem to get in public places these days, the youngish woman BEHIND me then began asking the normal round of questions, “When’s the wedding?” “Where are you getting married?” “How long have you been engaged?” “How did you two meet?” THEN…my FAVOURITE…”When are you planning on having kids?” Oh my. This is not what a New England girl is accustomed to. And on top of it, I had to deal with the most persnickety Post Office worker I’ve encountered in quite a few years. He allowed me “one and only one piece of tape.” I showed him. He couldn’t have known that I have extensive taping experience, specializing in not cutting the tape while wrapping. I used one piece of tape alright.

With other news, we finalized the photographer today. If you’re looking for someone and you’re in the greater Provo/Northern Utah area, I would definitely recommend Melanie Paxton. She takes great photos, but is just fun to be around as well. That’s a killer combination in a photographer.

So what’s the bottom line? I’m completely comfortable with my own obsession with my wedding, but completely UNcomfortable with people in the post office displaying the same behavior.

Also: I want to include one note about the injustice of having to do address lists. I’ve updated the guest list a hundred times, and it seems like I mess up every time somehow. Pretty soon, I’m going to just hand deliver invites to random people.

The weekend is almost over. Today we went to church (I went with John today, as much as I love my ward, sometimes I gotta go with him. It doesn’t hurt that his ward starts at 11!) We made pancakes for dinner…somehow these ones smelled like cupcakes. They win the award for gluten-free goodness though. After lounging around for a bit, talking to the moms, and watching some TV, we decided to go for a walk. There’s a horse trail up the road from the house, and it provided a nice climb and a nice view from the top. Provo is a pretty place to be, for the time being. On a different note- I uploaded some Google ads onto my website. It’s content based, so basically, Google reads my blog and advertses along themes it finds. Today my advertisments were all about having anxiety and being tired. I guess I do get tired often enough, but I consider myself a pretty happy person. What do your Google ads say about you? What are you writing that you didn’t know you were writing? It’s the future of psychology. Or fortune telling. Or something.

Back to work tomorrow. Another week. Jonathan will be here a week from today! Gotta get him a bed…

Rich and Ron, my bosses, are big into incentives: goals and reward systems. It plays big into their business philosophy. This was a little strange to me at first, setting up goals and rewards for things that I felt I was meant to be doing anyway (by nature of the fact that it’s my job) but I’m starting to understand. It’s fun! And if you own your own business and only have a couple of employees, why not?

When I was hired there was a hefty to-do list to cut through before I could even get started on the actual bookwork. The goal: get the list done! The reward: A nice dinner out with John, and a weekend with Rich’s Z3. It’s in the driveway just now. We picked it up after work today. The downside: totally a standard. I want to drive it so BAD! What is my issue? My goal is to be a pro at driving stick by the time I’m married. I don’t want to be that “lame American” girl anymore. It was such a sticking point when I lived in England, where most of the cars are standard.
We’ll see how it goes. But anyway, back to the Z3…fun car. Very, very fun car. We just took a little drive because I wasn’t feeling well, but the mountains were just, right there.

Today was interesting. I woke up a happy, chipper girl. Did morning things- on the way out took some new medication the doctor gave me a couple of days ago. This was the first time I took it without eating anything. BIG MISTAKE. By the time I got to work I was out of my MIND dizzy. And nauseous. I had to go home, call the pharmacist, figure out what was wrong, and then make my way back to work.

So, apparently, I say that I’m nauseous a lot. I think whenever I get overwhelmed, nervous, upset, or outrageously bored…I say I’m nauseous. I happen to believe that there are many kinds of nauseous. John, however, seems to need to know the difference between times when I’m simply feeling some random, intense emotion and when I may actually throw up. So, I found Sharooshed. I think it’ll work just fine.