Little Kite Girl

Ok, first and foremost, I have some siblings-in-law who are another year older!

Happy Birthday to Jack and Becca who both seemed amazingly busy with cool stuff on their respective birthdays.  I tried to get Camper born the last couple of days, but it turns out he’s just a tease.  So we’ll have to just have him have his own birth date I guess. Last night John and I were up until about 1 counting contractions again- this time they were about 10 minutes apart for over an hour, which was exciting, until they just stopped.  When we finally went to sleep I got out my snoogle again (I had it put away because for a little while, it actually made sleeping less comfortable…who knows why) and once again- it is miraculous.  Maybe it just didn’t work well for the second trimester…I had the best night’s sleep that I’ve had in…well, at least a couple of weeks.  I actually woke up and felt scared.  Nothing hurt.  We even overslept church by about 10 minutes (it’s conference….) The baby seemed to be sleeping to, which of course made me panic.  So John rubbed my belly until I couldn’t take it anymore and went and downed some orange juice to see if I could get Camper moving around.  He gave me a couple “ok Mom, I’m fine” nudges and then seemed to go back to sleep.  Actually…everyone is back to sleep.  After some visiting it looks like both my Mom and John have decided to take another little snooze (my Mom went to church at 8am to see someone’s baby blessed, just to get there and find out that it had been cancelled), and with this gorgeous cool air coming through the living room window and the snoozy Sunday feeling…I think I might go back to sleep, too.  Looks like one of those days

As I’m cleaning out the fridge this morning:

“This cheese says ‘naturally aged six months for flavor.’ Do I have to factor that into the expiration date?”

The look my Mom gave me said that maybe I should blog that one….

So after no sleep last night I was a bundle of energy until AFTER IKEA…where we did not buy a plant.  Then we came home and I passed out for a couple of hours.  Follow that up with a leisurely trip to WalMart (we’re trying to shop the baby out) and now we’re just sitting around watching John do homework.  The house is all clean (thanks mostly to my Mom and John’s efforts…I just dusted…and wiped out the fridge) and we’re just chillin.  If any newborns feel like they want to show up for a visit we’d be open to that.  Just sayin’.

Yes, I am ready to have this baby.  Last night contractions started round about…what?  Maybe 7pm?  They went on regularly every 25 minutes until about 10…they were growing stronger and stronger but not necessarily closer together.  I knew that I was not in “go to the hosptial” labor, but something in me thought that this could at least get things moving along for maybe…and END of weekend baby.  Eventually the pains lessened and I was left with slight aches and a few stabbing pains here and there in my cervix (TMI, I know).  Those are especially fun, because I’m pretty sure they’re caused by my baby boy putting sudden pressure on my down-belows with the top of his head.  An inner-cervical head-butt….if you will.  Again, nothing to do with actual, real, honest to goodness labor.  But we’ll see.  We see our doctor on Monday and she’ll check to see if I’m dialated.  From what I hear that can cause things to start moving along (which is why some women avoid it) but I’m all for it.  I’m up for just about anything.  You could tell me to affix a Tamogachi to my belt buckle to coax him out of there and I’d probably take your advice.  Did that make sense?  Moving on….

So yes.  I just had some pancakes.  I told John, “Thanks for making me pancakes, that was really sweet.”  His reply, “Well, you woke up and said ‘Make me pancakes.’ So I did.”  Haha.  Oh yeah, I forgot that part.  But I DID say it sweetly, and nicely, and was very grateful.  That’s got to count for something, right?  After the contractions last night I realised that I wasn’t going to sleep….at all.  I waited for John to nod off and then went out into the living room for some serious TV time.  I figured I’d watch shows John and my Mom don’t like…like, for instance, Say Yes to the Dress.  Yeah…I found out why they don’t like it.  THEN, miracle of miracles, Dawson’s Creek came on sometime around the 3 o’clock hour!  It was like WHOA.  But as I sat there and watched it I thought to myself, “These kids are dressed badly, they talk about stupid things, and Katie Holmes just really bugs me now.”  So then I tried to go back to bed.  Which resulted in not sleeping some more til around 6am, where I think I finally konked out until around 8ish.  But now I’m up.  Very very up.

Today we might go try and find a plant I can’t kill.  When I told John this he said, “A plastic one?”  I said, “No,  a real plant.  We’re going to the NURSERY.”  He looked contemplative for a moment, then said, “Well, I guess we could get you a weed.”  Then he decided that no, that would be cruel to the weed.  But seriously, I didn’t even KNOW my current plant was dead until last week when my Mom asked if she could throw it away.  I had read somewhere that if you have a struggling plant if you pull all the leaves off but a couple, that those ones would get the nutrients.  So I thought my leaves were fine.  One plant stalk, two leaves.  Slightly green/transparent in color.  Cute pot.  But apparently it’s been dead for awhile, and my nutrient-focused plan didn’t work at all.  Stupid living in a basement.  You see, I want an Orchid.  Really really bad.  I think they are BEAUTIFUL and smell SO GOOD.  But I refuse to spend $50 on a plant when I can’t even keep a normal houseplant alive.  I’m actually starting to have concerns for Camper…as I’m writing this…No.  He’ll be fine.  And as a SAHM (stay at home mom) I’ll have time to cultivate and care for a houseplant so that I can one day acheive my dream of having my very own beautious Orchid.

And as I’m re-reading this post I think sleep deprivation is getting to me.  I think I’m going to go dust the house now.  Just in case.

Pregnancy, of course.  So I just got home from work and took a bath immediately to try and soothe my aching back.  It’s so sad to feel so decrepit at such a young age.  So after my bath I was getting dressed again and I suddenly remembered what it used to feel like to put pants on.  Holding the pants in both hands, leaning slightly forward, picking one foot deftly off the ground and inserting it into the pant leg.  Wiggling it up a bit and then popping the other foot in and sliding them up.  Then the grand finale- BUTTONING the button, zipping the fly.  Then of course the little twist to look at my butt in the mirror.  I wish I would have appreciated that more.

Now it’s like…hold the pants in one hand while I hold onto the dresser with the other…fling the pants around randomly til I get one foot caught in one of the holes and hope to GOD it’s the right one.  Pull that up as far as it will go while trying to bend over backwards a bit for counterbalance…This of course is followed by the other leg, which is the trickiest…and I’m not really sure how I accomplish that, to be honest.  Then I pull them all the way up and the elastic settles in around my ever-expanding belly, pushing in all the right areas to make me feel like my baby is going to pop out my back.  And forget checking out my butt.  I stopped doing that months ago.

Ah the things we do for our children.  But it was a funny little memory, and honestly, experiencing that again might be my first post-pregnancy goal.  Just putting real pants on with some sort of grace and ease would make me feel like a real person again instead of two people.

Hmmm….what else is going on?  I’m still training at work.  The replacement is seriously one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  Training is hard for me because I’m so used to just doing things myself- but it’s probably good practice.  I mean, if I do everything for Camper he’ll be 27 and still coming to me to tie his shoes.  Sure, I could do the job faster, but I only got that way because someone had the patience to teach it to me and then let me learn it.  So yes, training is going just fine.

I also went to the library yesterday and got out a couple of books I discovered online.  The one I’m reading right now is called I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies) by Laurie Notaro. Seriously funny book- it makes me laugh out loud, literally.  It makes me feel like perhaps I’m not the only person wandering around leading a sincerely ridiculous existence.  Another one I finished the other day was Eat Well, Lose Weight While Breastfeeding. (I actually bought this one). I like it because it focuses on what to eat, not what NOT to eat.  It explains the extra calories you’ll need and how to deal with the hunger you’ll feel while breastfeeding.  Apparently, the way to deal with that hunger is to EAT.  But controling what you eat will help you be healthy and lose the pregnancy weight.  It actually goes through which vitamins you really need and that you baby really needs, and which ones are easy to get and which ones you have to think about.  Good info, if you ask me.

So yup.  John is in school again, my Mom is still here and helping, and we’re all just waiting for Camper to come.  Just waiting….

It’s been a silly day. I was up for awhile this morning writing and enjoying the thunder/lightening storm outside. It was seriously chilly this morning- around 50 degrees. You can’t even imagine how happy that made me. When I finally started to go in and out of the my room getting ready and doing some laundry, etc. John grabbed me back into bed and said:

“I’m abducting you. I’m an ALIEN.”

Then we cuddled. It was cute. After THAT we set out for the day, thwarted at every turn. First, EVERY BAKERY in the valley was closed. Every one. But then we went and had hamburgers, instead, so it was ok. It was kind of weird to see all the students walking around, feeling the chilly air, and reminiscing about my back to school days. Then we headed home to see what my Mom had gotten up to. But she was GONE. To WHO KNOWS WHERE. So then we went back out to rent a movie…which also failed. Seriously, good movie lately? Hard to find. They didn’t even have 3 Men and a Baby, who rents THAT? Especially when WE want it!? So we decided to drive around a bit, and then I decided I wanted to go test drive my current car obsession. But on the way to check it out we decided a) we didn’t want phone calls from the salesman for the next year and b) we shouldn’t get ourselves excited about a new car. Not even a little. So we diverted to WalMart where we stood in line for 500 years to buy Biore nose strips, some facial exfoliator, an outfit for Camper (WE HAVE TO STOP BUYING BABY CLOTHES), a three barrel curling iron (my friend loaned me hers, seriously cute) and an ice cream bar. Just laughing and holding hands all the way.

Then we came home and took the air conditioner out of the front window. The air conditioner that John put in and then squirted some kind of weird foaming, hardening stuff around to keep the spiders out. Cut to my Mom and I trying to KICK the air conditioner free of the cement foam while John prepared to “catch” the air conditioner as it pops out on the inside. Then we had to figure out how to remove the foam. Turns out non-acetone nail polish remover was useless…as was vinegar. Which is when my Mom started telling some story about a sad, sad Easter when her cat got attacked by a raccoon and they had to take him to the vet.

I wonder what we’ll do tonight?

And welcome to September.  I can’t believe it’s September.  This month, this very month, John and I will have a child.  It’s kind of crazy to think about.  I’ll get to posting more of my thoughts on September, I’m sure, but first there are some others things I wanted to write.  Warning: The following is blatantly religious material.

Yesterday was pretty good- we went to church.  I’ve been having a hard time sitting through it so I did a bit of wandering in the halls/standing in the back during meetings, and then there was the “run home” during the very middle to get something to eat, but I’m glad to say we made it.  I very rarely write publicly about my personal, spiritual impressions (feeling that they are just that, personal), but yesterday I felt like I got something I needed.  I had a little time to sit and think about the times I’ve felt the most connected to God in my life.  Interestingly enough, I don’t think it was when I was growing up, although I’m sure during that time I had kind of a naive/passive happy relationship thing going on.  My greatest times of spiritual growth and comfort seem to accompany times of greatest purpose.  When I was in Scranton and had to choose what I believed- to follow the traditions and faith that I had grown up with or embrace something else, that was my first quest.  I remember feeling very keenly that God knew who I was and that he approved of my desire to know Him.  As a budding philosophy major (oh my) I remember asking a lot of questions of a lot of people- some that could be considered irreverent or old-school “blasphemous.”  Scranton is where I learned to be mad at God, and where I learned to get over it, and where I realised that through all that, He wasn’t going to get over me.  It was a very interesting realisation.

Also, when I choose to go on a mission.  Missionary work encompasses so many things that it overwhelmed me at first.  I very quickly found out that I was pretty selfish and that it was difficult to care for the people around me.  I had to pray, a lot, that I could love and serve the people I met without thinking of myself, my lack of luxury or my physical discomfort, and amazingly, it was given to me.  I got so wrapped up in taking care of others that I often forgot myself entirely.  (Just as a side note, this is probably how I got to the point that I looked in the mirror and realised I had lost about 20 lbs. and was skin and bones…don’t worry, I gained it back no prob later on.)  When I got home from serving in London I felt like a Princess- my house was so comfortable and there seemed to be pancakes everywhere I turned (hence gaining the weight back) and when I got to BYU I felt a huge letdown.  What next?  What now?  How can I feel purposeful and close to God when all day every day all I had to do was work on my education, go to my job, work on my happiness…It was a trial for me.

Finally, though, I found another purpose in friends and family.  Funnily enough, I think there were plenty of purposes I could have found to get me through that time if I had been willing to work at it hard enough, but I was able to meet a few friends who, at the time…needed me.  Then I met John and start thinking about my family- a husband and a marriage and you better believe that through our year long dating/engagement period I learned a lot about what God thought about me and had planned for me.  Throughout that year my heart was enlightened and changed and encouraged in all new ways and I felt, again, like God was working with me in my life to find happiness.

And now.  Now now now.  For a couple of months, or maybe even longer, I’ve been a bit sick.  Things have been happening in my body that are hard to deal with- being pregnant was my very first concern and excitement, but when I found out that my baby was healthy and fine and that whatever was wrong with me affected really, only me…there was a part of me that stopped worrying about my Camper so much and started just worrying about me.  When people ask you a few times a day how you’re feeling and you have to go to special doctors to try and figure things out, it’s easy to turn inward and start to focus on yourself.  Not to mention the fact that I have an amazing husband who is incredibly concerned with my comfort and happiness, and a mother who flew across the country to live with me and make sure I got through all this ok- it makes it so easy to feel like I’m not doing very much for anyone else.

So back to yesterday…at church…we were sitting there preparing to take the Sacrament and I was reading the words of the hymns and thinking about things and I started to feel, just a little….braver.  It’s difficult for me to “contemplate Christ,” or claim “Christ as my friend” as so many people talk about.   But yesterday as I really thought about what I truly believe he did for me, I was overwhelmed with how physical it was.  His sacrifice was emotional and spiritual, but also very, very physical.  He bled, he hurt, and although I don’t deign to know or understand his feelings when facing the Atonement, I believe he even feared.  It’s possible he felt trepidation.  Here’s the thing, he did it anyway.  For Christian people this is what holds everything together- the fact that Christ sacrificed his life and suffered for us makes it possible for us to get through this life 1) with someone who understands our pains and hardships and 2) with the knowledge that we can be forgiven for all our sins and live again.  That’s pretty big.  He had a purpose, and just then, it happened to be all of mankind.

Thinking about all of this I decided to go on a little walk through the halls to ease the pain in my back, and I just looked at all the pictures of Christ we have in the building.  I realised that although I can’t do everything I love to do for my family or the people around me, that I AM doing SOMETHING.  It’s not like I’m just lounging around reading books and eating my Mom’s cooking (although to the naked eye…that IS what it looks like) but that the hardships of pregnancy and birth, added even to the hardships of just being sick are working towards a family, a baby, a new life for me AND for John and for our families.  All I can do is what I can, if that’s working just part days until I can’t anymore, trying to make sure my husband eats some of the good food my Mom is cooking and have the time and energy for school, trying to let my Mom know how appreciative I am of what she does for me…if all I can do is have deep, tremendous gratitude for being allowed to have this baby and have the time I need to get through this process, then that’s good enough for now.  That is my purpose.

John’s parents are in town, just a quick trip, and while we were visiting last night his Dad said something that had been on my mind all day long.  Often we take the best care of ourselves by taking the best care of other people.  So often what we need is what someone else needs- and while I have been the recipient of so much service the last 9 months, I just need to focus on how I can serve, too.  If I can focus on my baby and my family and not worry so much about the changes in my own body (yes, the source of much angst, I must admit) and my own pain, then perhaps this whole process can help lift me out of myself and focus on Camper and John and my other family members.  I’m hoping that is the kind of experience this is- something else to add to my list of times in my life where I was able to take whatever was happening and be closer to God because of it.  But those things don’t happen on their own.  Closeness with God comes when we take our own personal circumstances and figure out how to focus on how we can grow and live His purposes more fully.

I love the scripture:

Mosiah 5:13

For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?

We can know God in one way- by serving Him.  It is through serving Him (i.e. the people around us, in whatever way we can) that we grow close to the thoughts and intents of His heart.  Theologians and philosophers have spent centuries trying to prove (and disprove) God, to find Him, to know Him…and it all comes down to directing our lives outward in service towards others.  He’s told us where to find Him, it’s just up to us to look and to do what we can.  And that’s enough.

Soo…I am a zombie.  I laid down to go to bed last night and knew it was going to be fruitless.  It’s amazing how I can tell.  So I read Stepford Wives to see if I could make myself tired, or at least be entertained.  (It’s a short book, doesn’t take long to get through.)  After that I was still wide awake with an achy back.  John brought me the ice pack and that helped for a bit, but I soon noticed that every time I moved or shifted I was waking him up a little.  I think he’s convinced that the baby will pop out any minute.  So I went out into the living room and watched TV for a couple of hours and then laid back down.  6am seems to be the magic hour where I can sleep for a bit, that was a relief.  But I’m starting to HATE going to bed!  Sleeping during the day seems to work out ok, I can get comfy and sleep soundly, but when it gets dark and quiet and TIME to sleep, my body rebels.  I have to go to the bathroom, I have brackston hicks, the baby kicks and keeps me awake, I can’t lay comfortably for my back.  Last night my belly was just sooo harrrrddd.  So pregnant ladies- what do I do?  I hear this is normal, but what do you DO so that you don’t go crazy watching infomercials at 3am?  I considered going out for a walk, but figured if I was eaten by a horse or ran into a crazy stalker or even just fell over John and my Mom would be very mad.  So in the house I stayed.  Suggestions welcome.

Today we slept in a wee because we had a morning appointment with our baby doctor.  I was told, through her examinations, that Camper is indeed head down (although the ease with which she was able to figure that out made me a little scared that he has a monster-sized dome), that I’m pretty much ready to go any time (we did the strep test today in prep for birth), and that she’s ready to discuss the birth-plan type arrangements whenever we are…although she says, “Most of them, honestly, are pretty much the same.”  Which actually comforts me a little.  She seems to favor a sooner than later labor situation, which is comforting as well.  Although my iron is up (as is my weight ) I am still on the low-side of nourished, so we’ll just keep working on it as we have been and hoping it gets high enough to sustain me through the birthing process.  She also indicated that we can do whatever we want with regard to immunizations at birth, but her opinion is that they rarely cause the problems that people claim them to cause, and in some cases could not cause the problems that people claim they cause.  She’s a big advocate of the Vitamin K shot, and I think the only other one we have to yay or nay is Hepatitis…I think they save the other ones until later checkups.  We will see, I’ve got to find out a little more info about it.

In other news- I think we are seriously ready.  We took a little trip to the store tonight for some butt cream and wipes and changing table stuffs…and really…I don’t think we should be allowed to buy anything else.  So bring it on, Camper!  We’re ready!!

Work today felt a little long- getting ready for payroll next week.  I’m now training my replacement, which is a lot of work.  Don’t get me wrong, she is so nice and I’m very VERY glad she accepted our offer.  She is very capable and my favorite candidate for sure.  I just didn’t realise that training in general… is hard.  I don’t think I’ve ever had to explain such a large amount of specific processes and information with someone before.  Everything I do I have to talk through- and I didn’t really realise how effortlessly I go through the tasks of the day.  I guess I have been doing all this for awhile now, and again, I’m reminded that I do like (most of) the work.  I’m just glad that I randomly got this payroll job with a bunch of fun people and was able to learn and gain confidence in a new skill set.  Another little something that has expanded me a bit that I just stumbled into.  I’m sad to let it go…but I’m working toward it.  Maybe in a couple weeks I can cut down a little more to make sure I’m not overtired for when the baby comes.  It’s amazing how much I can want to be lazy and not work at all, but be so reluctant to let it go, too.
I guess it’s just so final.  I just won’t be working.  And even if I wanted to, we’d have to figure out what to do with this new little person we’ve created.  Crazy, huh?  We are going to have someone else to worry about.  Someone who can’t drive or stay home alone…or even eat without me giving him food.  A litttllee tripppyyyy if you ask me.

So yes, we’ve got a restful long weekend ahead of us.  We’re probably going to hide tomorrow, seeing as how BYU is playing the first game of the season down the street.  Traffic hell, anyone?  My Mom cleaned the entire house while I was at work today (I asked her what her plans were for the day and she said, “Oh, I don’t know,” and was TOTALLY planning on cleaning everything, I KNOW it) so we can all relax tomorrow.  She’s a good one, huh?  I’m totally spoiled.  Maybe I’ll read something.  Or watch a movie.  Or lay in the backyard.  We’ll see.  I just know I’m NOT going to work, and I’m NOT buying baby stuff.  Or any stuff if I can help it.  Just reellaaaxxxx…..

It’s actually been a good couple of days.  Camper-centered, like usual.  He’s been on the top of our minds and people have showered us with gifts for our little baby to be.  Yesterday we got a HUGE box from our Groton family.  TONS of clothes, I can’t even believe it.  Looks like BabiesRUs exploded in Camper’s room.  When my cousin Sara’s baby was born he kind of just “skipped” the whole newborn clothes stage- he was a big one- and has just gotten bigger, so he was kind enough to share.  Thanks Sara, Auntie and Melissa for sending your love this way!! Then today the girls at work threw me a shower.  It was amazing- they got me tons of bath stuff and clothes and baby pruning tools and the cutest baby book ever.  My Mom came too, and even though she’s given me a gift at my other two showers (one in MA and one in Herriman with family), she came with even more!!  I thought it was tricky yesterday when she came home from “the park” without the book she always takes to read, and then wouldn’t look at me until I stopped asking where she had been ;)  She’s a tricky one- she got me the warm jumper I wanted for Camper AND the cutest PJ’s with bears and moose and racoons on it AND a breast pump.  I actually can’t even remember all the things people have given us, it’s an amazing show of love and support.  So thanks to all our family and friends that have given us so much from the very earliest stages of this pregnancy!

Pregnancy is once again changing on me.  I’ve gotten hungrier again, even waking up feeling like I want to eat in the middle of the night.  I’ve tried to stifle that urge a bit…I want milk ALL THE TIME, and I’m starting to get more tired at work again.  I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we’ve hired my replacement and I’m in the beginning stages of training her.   My back is also killing me…but I hear that’s to be expected.  More exciting, though, is that Camper is getting really really strong.  I felt him stretching the other morning and it was so slow and deliberate, he is such a real little person.  I’m hoping that we’ll have good news with regard to my iron at my appointment tomorrow, but honestly, it’s nice to not have to worry about Camper’s health anyway.  Just don’t beef up in there too much Little Man…

John goes back to school next week, and I’ll keep on working and doing as much as I can.  I think the time might be approaching when I’ll need a little more rest.  I got home last night and asked John, “What if I go into labor at the end of a day and am already exhausted?”  I think I need to try a little harder to not get so run down.  We’ll see what I can do about that…

But as for now, I’m just enjoying life with baby internal.  I’m really, really enjoying having my Mom here.  I tried to explain to her today that I’m actually starting to feel spoiled- do you know many people who have someone there to help them get the food they need and do the cleaning that needs done and drop them off and pick them up and basically just lives life in a constant state of, “What can I do for you?”  I hope that I can be as good a Mom as she is, selfless and patient.  Cause I know I’m not an easy one to help.   At least I’m giving her a pretty grandbaby boy to say thanks.  The only thing that’d make it even better would be to have my Dad close by.  I don’t like the idea of them being apart for so long.  Thanks for letting me have her for awhile, Dad.  She helps me so much!

Oh yes- and since I’m naming people I love- I have a pretty good husband, too.  He is amazingly good at finding the exact food I need before I decide I don’t need it anymore, and very, very good at making me smile when I wake up in the morning.   Enough mushiness for now, I think it’s time for a bath.

Hello!  I’ve (well…John the handy internet husband…has…) finally done it!  I’ve been wanting to switch the location/name of my blog for some time now, and so here it is!

World, meet

LittleKiteGirl.com

LKG meet the world.

Natural Sceptre has treated me very well, and for awhile you’ll be able to get here from there, but this my main locale now.  I’m going to be making some other changes (slowly but surely) so you if feel so inclined to update my name and url on your blogroll or link lists, I’d truly appreciate it.

Thanks everyone!