Let’s just say- I didn’t pass the physical science test. 100 questions. The first 25 I made my way through rather steadily- but as soon as I hit the middle of the test, things started slowing down. All of a sudden, I had to start guessing. When I got to the last 25, I was back in my comfort zone, geology and astronomy…but it wasn’t enough. The Periodic Table of the Elements literally killed me. If I had known how much of a focus it would have been…well. That’s that.
I was pretty upset. I AM pretty upset about it. I wanted this step to be the end. I spent this week (quite a lot of it, actually) pouring through a ridiculous book, trying to remember as much as I could about all the different aspects of physical science. Turns out, I should have focused more in certain areas, and less in others. I guess this is why people take CLASSES.
It’s a lot of things. It’s embarrassing, it’s frustrating, and it leaves me completely discouraged with an outrageous amount of work still ahead of me. I have a few options- I can study and try to take the exemption exam AGAIN in January. I can enroll in an online class that will give me credit, which WILL let me graduate by December, but costs around $400. I can find a scientifically intelligent lookalike and pay them to take my test. John has encouraged me to not think about it for a couple days- get through all the OTHER exams I have to take this weekend, and then figure out the plan on Monday. It’s such a mess.
More than anything, I just want to be finished with the undergraduate degree. I thought this shortcut would allow me to work more, study more, be home more, etc. Turns out, maybe I should have just taken another class this semester. Who knows- I can’t go back, so I just have decide if I want to “graduate” (as BYU lets you do…) with this one last thing left hanging to be cleaned up after Christmas. And I know how I feel about it, but I’m just not sure how to….never mind.
Just as a GREAT cosmic joke, we get to our science class this afternoon and our teacher has chosen a video to show us…all about the periodic table. SERIOUSLY. We’re studying Evolution- he actually said, “You might wonder why I’m showing this to you, blah blah blah,” and then we went on to discuss Darwin. In 15 minutes I probably got enough information to do at least…5 questions better on the exam. That, and a little more luck, could have made the difference. It’s not enough to fail the test, I then have to go to a class where I’m presented with a power point outlining just how simple it all is.
I did learn something about Darwin that I hadn’t previously known. When deciding whether or not he wanted to get married, the CONS on his list were, a) less freedom and b) less money for books. I peered over at John who genuinely exclaimed, “Those were on MY LIST too!” It made me laugh.
So tonight there is more studying, some cleaning, maybe some working out. I feel deflated. I’m not sure where I’m going to get the motivation to finish everything. I guess I’ll just have to do it. That’s all. I really, really want to graduate, SOON. I’ve dragged this out for such a long time (although, for less time than average for an LDS guy or girl going to BYU) and I desperately want to have this done and move on. I will, I know I can- I didn’t fail a CLASS, after all….just an exemption exam. I know I have time, in life, to wander and do all the things I need and want to do- it is what I make of it, after all. I guess I just wanted to have it made already. Sigh.
…And climb high, to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky. While others have excuses, I have my reasons why.
*Nickle Creek, Reasons Why
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