Natural Sceptre

Well well. Here I am, Thursday of the new job. I am happy to report that I’m enjoying the office quite a lot. I like the girls in accounting- and the more things we go over the more I realise that I can do it. And probably well. I just have to learn the ins and outs- oh yeah, and get the software on my computer.

I’ve been going to bed a little earlier, and taking naps when I can. Like today- I got home and laid down, and slept for about an hour an a half. I still have to do the laundry and make dinner- but at least I got a little sleep in. I feel like I could go to bed at 5 and stay asleep all night long. I’ve been having some very odd stuff going on- like, for instance, I’ve been waking up at 5am every day STARVING. I am so hungry my stomach hurts. The first morning I did this I went foraging and ended up on the couch for two hours covered in cracker crumbs. After that I put some cereal in a plastic container and when I wake up I just pop it open and eat some- eyes closed, semi-sleeping. Then I can keep sleeping with the minimum disturbance.  I’m sure it’s really cute, too, when John rolls over and sees a smack stuck to my cheek.

So yeah. Hmmmm, what else.  It seems like there should be a lot to say.  I want to be able to tell everyone at work that I’m pregnant- but I want to go to the doctor first and make sure it’s all set and find out a due date, etc.  Then I can share the info.  Good chance I’m still going to need to work even after the baby is born (don’t really want to think about it) so they don’t really need to worry about losing me.

Oh, and as a follow up to the tail thing- Emily sent me a link last night showing that most babies/ fetuses look the same during the first trimester.  So, for instance, my mermaid looks the SAME as a gecko’s mermaid, or a giraffe’s mermaid.  Yeah, that freaked me out too.

Ok- I’m going to read some science.  And do some laundry.  And maybe make some dinner.

So. I looked at a picture of what my baby (babies) is supposed to look like at the moment. It freaked me out. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ll be ok with it until I’m like- 20 weeks. Why does she have a TAIL? That just seems wrong to me.

The first day of work went well. It felt long, and I am so tired. I’m thinking that I may need to get creative with sleep solutions. Like- take naps after work before John gets home. I’m getting a little stressed out about how I’m going to deal with things like my science class and the normal amount of housework I need to do. I just feel so tired. But tonight is not the time to worry. I managed to take the trash out and clean up after the medicine disaster of 2008 (someone, probably me, put a bottle of NightQuil in the medicine tub and it emptied out all over everything) and I even laid down for about an hour. As for science, I’m well on my way. I just need to watch the date and probably, work on it Saturday afternoons after I sleep in a little. I’m thinking two serious sit-downs might actually take care of most of it. Then there’s the little question of taking the tests. Hmmmm….that might be a wee more difficult with my new schedule.

Oh- and by the way, I have the BEST sister. (I love saying I have a sister). She sent me the sweetest card today supporting me in my unemployed status- it was good to hear that I am better than I was treated, and that she loves me Thanks Becca!

I guess it was just a good mail day for me all around. My Mum also sent me a package, a new quillow (blanket that folds into a pillow) and a book: Ginger Pye by Eleanor Estes.

I think it’s about time to wrap myself up in some love (i.e. quillow) and go to BED. I wonder if I’ll have the stomach to make my husband some dinner. I went and bought him some sausages tonight- but I seem to get the MOST nauseous at night. Is that normal?

Me: I wonder what it would have been like to have President Hinckley for a grandpa.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Me: He would’ve hit you upside the head.

John: He would’ve hit you upside the head.

It’s true. All around.

We found out tonight that President Hinckley passed away. It does feel sad- although we know he is with the girl of his dreams again, we’ll miss his spirit and his personality- and more than anything, I’ll miss his optimism. I clung to it on more than one occasion when the world seemed particularly bleak. I know we follow the keys, the priesthood, and our Savior and not a man, but I loved this one. So many of us did. I think it’s ok to take a few minutes to be sad, even if it is only for ourselves.

So, I am no longer unemployed. I had an interview on Friday afternoon, and about 6pm I got a call offering me the position. So yes- I will be working for another web solutions company- this time Heritage, not Everest. It’s a very different environment than my last job- to which I say, “Thank you, God.” I’m just looking for something new- something not so emotionally charged. Honestly, I rarely got emotional at work, but the nature of the job was dealing with, understanding, and writing about other people’s emotions. In this new company, I’ll be in charge of payroll. I think it’ll be a relief and a change.  They’ll train me, I’ll contribute, and go home. I’m looking forward to learning a new skill and proving to myself that I can still adapt and learn new things. And, although there are some people (namely my past employers) that wouldn’t believe it, I actually spent a lot of time during the week/weekends/evenings thinking about/working on stuff for the book. Now I’ll spend my evenings going to a yoga class I signed up for, working on other classes, furthering my own projects and goals, and my newest favorite thing to talk about:

Being Pregnant.

Yes. I am pregnant. We weren’t going to tell so early- but then I almost blew up trying to contain the secret, and we decided to just let it out. I’m about 5 weeks, and the baby is probably due in September/October time frame. We’ll have a more precise date when I see the doctor in a couple of weeks. I’m so excited. It’s hard, of course, to realise how painful aspects of this is going to be (yeah, a little scared, not going to lie) and how my focus will shift from my own grownup wants and desires to a little person’s- but I’m confident I will still be able to pursue the worthy goals I have. Whenever I get too overwhelmed with thinking about how much schooling I have left to accomplish to be able to do what I want to do (still figuring that out, by the way, but I’m sure it will involve a masters at least, if not a PhD) John tells me that we’ll work it out. More than anything, I know this is right. Who knows what will happen- life is changing pretty rapidly lately. But it’s all good. Overwhelming, terrifying, exhilarating, more overwhelming, but good. So exiting and good. Now I won’t have to be heartbroken when we see the little chairs at IKEA. Time to get one!

The Master said: ‘Artful speech and an ingratiating demeanour rarely accompany virtue.’ -The Analects

I studied Confucius’ Analects while at Scranton. I loved it- I realised that I was ill equipped to live the ideals, but wanted to try. I first heard/had a conversation about praise in my philosophy of conscience class. The passage we discussed was as follows:

“The true gentleman is easy to serve, yet difficult to please. If you attempt to please him in any improper way, he will be displeased; but when it comes to appointing men to work, he has regard to their capacity. The inferior man is hard to serve, yet easy to please. If you attempt to please him, even in an improper way, he will be pleased; but in appointing men their work, he expects them to be fit for everything.” -Analects XXV

Basically- to be a noble man (or woman) means to be hard to please. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re a tough guy all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate good work- it just means that you praise things that are actually praiseworthy. As part of that, the noble person is able to judge a person’s capacity and then praise them for the highest that they have to offer. The don’t expect more, they don’t praise less. I think that’s an important part of that nobility- to correctly assess what other’s are capable of. And, of course, when that is not possible, reserve judgment in general.

I’ve been reading some things on line about how you can never give someone too much praise- and when it doubt, offer praise! When I worked with Limited Brands it was always, “Praise, then correct.” It’s interesting that the Doctrine and Covenants tells us to “reprove betimes with sharpness …showing forth afterwards an increase of love” (D&C 121:43). Afterwards. As in- don’t flatter your way into someone’s heart.

I’ve experienced it a few times- incessant praise that at first seems nice. Comforting- but then soon, it become absolutely empty, and finally, annoying. Often, this kind of praise is used as manipulation. A tool people use to think they can get to do what they want you to. When really- you’re probably just doing what you’re doing because you made a commitment. And the praise means nothing.

Often, people praise others expecting praise back. This is the WRONG reason to praise someone. This is simply selfish- and it shows that you are self-involved and shallow. A bad combination.

You can either be fueled by character and integrity, or by flattery. If you do what you do because you think it is right, because you are driven to fulfill your commitments, and because you want to offer the most you have, you will succeed. If you do what you do to be noticed by others- you will fail. Because a fact of life remains: people are more interested in themselves than in you. For sure.

If you are the victim of flattery- you should probably change your position. Like it says- the flatter is hard to be around and easy to please. Until they decide to be pleased by someone else, or themselves. Ok, that sounded bad. But moving on.

It’s just something to think about. I’ve heard of women who praise their husbands when they do something good hoping for a repeat performance. That’s seriously one of the most manipulative things I ever heard. I mean- if you decide to communicate that you need something, and get a repsonse, I think it completely appropriate to express gratitude. But saying that you are grateful for something is different than trying to train your spouse like a dog.

Yeah. So that was random, but it’s been on my mind for awhile. So out it came.

Yeah.  Outside my window.  I was just chillin’, about to use the new elliptical, decided to open the window and POW.  There she was.  Just looking at me.

I was scared that she might be hurt- because even when I opened the window and said, “HELLOOOO” she didn’t run away.  2 hours later, she still hadn’t moved.  Even with the flash.  So, worried that she was having babies or had her hoof stuck in the fence, I suited up and went outside to see if she’d run.  Hoping she wouldn’t run into me.  And sure enough, she got up and ran away.  I think that she hid because of the wind.  I hope she comes back!

Hallo Everyone.  So tonight was exciting.  I picked up my friend Julie (visiting from Denmark) from Salt Lake City.  I was supposed to get her at the Greyhound Station.  Which went great, until my directions led me RIGHT INTO A BUILDING.  A sketchy one.  And then I had to wind around the ridiculous maze they call Salt Lake construction.  But then I found her.  She’s flying home tomorrow and wanted to go to the SL Temple- so I wore a skirt and brought my stuff- and as we were trying to find parking I kept noticing signs that said, “Temple closed.”  Which was sad.  So then we tried to find something else to do- which basically involved me driving around Salt Lake in circles trying to find somewhere interesting to stop.  In the end, I decided on WalMart.  Yes, you heard right.  She wanted some candy to bring home to her friends- and I figured if we couldn’t go to to our place of worship, why not hit up Nietzsche’s? After that I drove her to her friend’s house and then came home.  Total driving around time: 5 hours.  Really.  Wow.  It was good to see her though.

I’m pretty much exhausted now.  And kind of hungry.  And kind of hoping I get some more phone calls for jobs soon :)  A new day tomorrow.  It’s really weird, I keep waking up and expecting the whole world to be on vacation.  And nope.  That would just be me.  Mandatory vacation.  I guess I could vacuum again.

Things are a changin’.  Be patient.

Apparently John is waiting for me to post so that he can. I think I’m just tired of talking about last Saturday- and enjoyed a nice retreat from the world for a couple of days. But let’s go back to the beginning.

Friday evening I got a text message from my boss telling me to meet him at the office on Saturday. I did, and I no longer have a job. I could talk about how it was a surprise (which it was) and how it was confusing for me (which it was) and how I felt hurt (which I did) but I think I’m just going to let it all go. I have my opinion about what happened- and I know that what happened and what I was told didn’t quite match up. But I don’t feel like fleshing it all out online. Reviewing the miscommunication that occurred will not help, and honestly, I’m happy to be moving on.

The weirdest thing is the lack of closure with my projects. I still have SEO thoughts running through my head- things that I wanted to do with the website, and I hope that they have the time/desire to finish what I started. I was really excited to be working on the website- and knew that I could do some good things. So I guess I should stop thinking about creating static pages and how to streamline the quiz- and what the people are saying on the forums. It’s just not my job anymore. And as for the book- I knew that there would come a point when I wasn’t needed anymore. The process was getting very laborious. The best work came when I was able to understand their thoughts and their passion- and then capture it and review with them. But it took a lot of time and energy to do that- and I knew (and had suggested) that once they got a publisher/agent that my job might be more hassle (as in telling me what to write as opposed to writing it themselves) than it was worth.

So now I am a free agent. I’ve put in about 2958 job applications the last couple of days. I’m kind of left hanging- waiting to see how it all comes out.  The newest excitement has been getting health insurance.  Turns out- the biggest GRIPE of my life (BYU, and their refusal to make my graduation “official” b/c of the online class) is among the secret “wait and see how it turns out” blessings of the semester.  John and I are now insured through BYU- again- and can be as long as we need to be.  More than that, because we can BOTH register as students (as opposed to me registering as his dependent) the rate is very affordable.  And will take care of our needs.  Which makes me happy and grateful (officially) to be at BYU.  But only for now

So- the end.  I’m hopeful.  I think things will turn out ok.  I’m really wanting them to.  I’m willing to work to make them so.  And the rest of life…well, that’ll just have to wait until I’m feeling a little more like talking.