It’s been a day. So…I’ve been sick for a little while now. Not like, debilitating sick, but uncomfortable and experiencing odd, off-putting things. For your sake, I won’t share. One certain problem got a lot worse over Christmas- and even thought the very last thing I want to do is go to the doctor- I’ve decided that I’m actually freaked enough and bothered enough that I need to go. I just hope they have something to tell me, something to do, something to make it better. As I get older I’ve realised that sometimes doctors can’t fix things. Sometimes they don’t know what’s wrong. And so…sometimes you have to be subjected to a variety of uncomfortable tests before they tell you that whatever you have will either go away…or get worse. Great…
So that’s got me worried. I told my Mom and she said I might as well not worry because I’m doing everything I can. I’m not worried about what I will do. I’m worried what the mystery doctor will do. I wish I had time to get some recommendations or something. But hey- I grew up going to Navy doctors. A new one every time. I’m used to saying, “I’m allergic to penicillin” 14 times a visit. So whatever.
So…another unpleasant thing. I was at work today when I got a phone call from Westminster. I had told them that I wanted to start in May because there was still paperwork pending on my graduation from BYU. For all intents and purposes, I’m done. But there are just a few things that have to go through before I can get my diploma. Westminster assured me that I could still attend their school- and that they’d just wait for my official transcript in April. I believed them. Turns out, though, that no matter HOW willing THEY are to take me- the federal government doesn’t help people who are stuck in between. No financial aid, no school. The thing is- I KNEW that. I knew before that my ‘tween status would through a kink into the mix. That’s why I was SO surprised that the school was moving forward so fast. When I got a phone call the other day saying that I could get aid as long as I registered for 4 credits- John and I drove up there like crazy people, and we got there just before the office closed. I was soooo happy and really…well, content that I wasn’t going to be left out of this semester. It got my hopes up. School means a lot to me- and this way I could have everything. I could work full time and progress the project with Rich and Ron, and fit school in just one night a week. It was perfect. Too perfect. And it’s not going to work out right now.
I just want to feel happy that school is done- but honestly, I just feel scared. Maybe things will even out. I just feel like someone has snatched my security blanket and won’t give it back. And I haven’t seen my husband all day- and I won’t until 11pm. Because now I work all day. And he works all night. And I just want a hug.
My brother came over tonight to visit and to figure out some stuff he has to do. I told him it’d be alright. He told me the same thing. Honestly, I know that my life is good. I’ve made all the right choices up to this point (Ok, the BIG important ones anyway) and I’m in the right place, married to the right man, doing the best I can for my family. And I know John is too. And so- I guess I just need an adjustment period. And I need to know what’s next. So for now, just waiting. Learning to be content.
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