Natural Sceptre

So. I said I would write more, and I didn’t. Sorry. Still working on that.

This week flew by. It was payroll at work- and, since I’m the payroll person, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure I got everyone’s commissions, time off, hours and overtime, la la la la la. It was pretty tiring, but I’m still enjoying the people and the days don’t go too slowly. My evenings were mostly filled with laying around, studying for my science final, and well….trying to force myself to eat something. And yes, I’ve TAKEN the final. Finally! I had a slight (ok, major) freak out on Thursday night when I realized that although I am able to retake the final if I don’t do well enough, but don’t have enough time for it to be graded and take it before the graduation is long gone…..that I really needed to do well. I felt under-prepared and trapped ONCE AGAIN by BYU and their invisible ploys to keep 20-something’s attached to campus. I mean, with so many people fasting for admittance across the nation, you think they’d help a girl out trying to get out. But maybe not. But I took it. Friday night- and I don’t think (knock on wood) that it went too badly. I felt fine going through it- and except for the weird feelings I had standing in the line waiting for my exam with my baby bump…and the fact that the testing center does NOT cater to pregnancy with their super long exams with no bathroom breaks…and the air conditioning right on my head….I’m somewhat confident that I’m done with this class. Which means I’m done with my undergraduate education. Granted, I could be delusional, and my uterus pressing on my bladder could have blurred my judgment, but I’m hoping I’m done.

I was talked to Alicia about graduation- and I guess she’s going to walk. I feel so ridiculous at this point- having prolonged my graduation as long as humanly possible, missing deadlines, etc…that I don’t feel like it’s worth it. It’s also just more money and a long ceremony that I will most definitely either feel nauseous through or have to pee during. And although I don’t really WANT to walk, necessarily, I don’t know. I just remember thinking about graduation in Scranton and feeling excited to go through that with my friends. I even still have the tassels (somewhere) from my honor society that I never wore. I gave that up, and for a good reason. I still have wonderful friends, but not that memory. I’m glad that I went on a mission, but I’m learning that the sacrifices you make to do something like that last longer than 18 months. There are things I’ll never get back- and I don’t think walking at BYU will get it for me. Of course, I know for a fact that I would not in ANY way be the same person that I am today with my experience in England. I mean, there was living in the UK- which was an experience in itself. Then there were the people, who are amazing friends. Finally, I learned a lot about God and a lot about my relationship with Him as a real, caring, and personal being. I don’t regret going. But the things that are sacrificed are gone- and I hope I can just remember how glad I am for what I traded them for.

I remember and playing “college” with my cousin Melissa (going from room to room with my girl scout books, pretending to have “classes”) and how I would dream about graduating. Yes- some girls would play house, and I would play college. Granted, quite a lot of the time I’d have a baby that I brought with me to classes, I had to work in the dolls somehow. Funny how true to life things turn out later…But college was it for me. I had no idea what might come afterwards…only that it would start with an aptly named commencement. Maybe we’ll find some way to celebrate. And maybe, once again, I’m counting my diplomas before they’re printed. Stupid physical science requirement.

Today was pretty good. Some sleeping in- we went to IKEA to get some little bear pictures we’d seen there about a hundred times and never found a reason to get. But a baby is a perfect reason to get some little bear pictures. Plus, John loves bears.

Afterwards we went to to Harmon’s and Walmart and got some necessities we’ve been needing as of late. Little tip- don’t go shopping on the day before Easter. Lots of people feeling overly entitled about being cheap and in the way. But we got through it and we’re home now. It’s getting late, and as I’ve been exhausted today…I’m not sure how cleaning is meant to get done. It might just have to wait…because I still have to finish preparing my primary lesson for tomorrow. I’ve read through it a couple of times, but want to put some scriptures in some plastic eggs. I know- amazing technique. We’ll see if the girls fight over them.

So- what will I do with all my extra time now that I’m not doing the course online? Well…I have an HTML book John bought me that I’ll start going through. We put it away until I was done with the course. Also- as long as all goes well, I’ll be starting Westminster in May. They haven’t been too helpful through the registration process, so I’ll have to tell you what I’m taking when I can actually take a look at it. But yes…I’ll have plenty to do.

And now I’m nauseous and need food…so off I go to try and find something yummy.

More later….