Well there goes Monday. It was kind of “a day.” I think it started out slow because it was super dark outside- and I would have paid half a million dollars to not have to go to work on time. But alas- to work I went. I’m trying to appreciate it as much as I can so that I don’t jinx myself into bed rest, which, as I’m learning more about it, would literally send me over the deep end. So I guess the “big happening” at work today was our 15 minutes massages- because the collectors reached their goal last month our entire department got massages. I was a little suspect of the process- not sure how I’d feel about it, but since my boss when out of her way to make sure that the guy she got to do it was trained in pre-natal massage, I figured I’d sign up. So- when my turn came I went into the office where the guy set up his chair thing and settled in. First of all- those chairs are designed for men. Or A cups. When he started pushing my back he was squishing my front-ness into this pad thing I had to lean against. So that was distracting. Then I started wondering what I looked like from the back, and spent a good few moments thinking about how I was glad to have my pregg-o pants on that go up to my neck so that my underwear didn’t hang out like some of the other girls I saw earlier in the day. By the end of the 15 minutes I had managed to think every random, fast-paced thought at all applicable to the situation and was not “more relaxed.” I’ve enjoyed facial massages…like…when I’ve gotten a facial…but this just felt weird. It was nice, but…weird. I may just not be a massage type girl. But it was a cool thing for the office to do- and to get paid for, haha. And I would probably do it again just to see if it’s an acquired taste.
The day after that was just blah. I couldn’t concentrate on ANYTHING. I started like 124 projects throughout the day and couldn’t keep going on any one thing specifically. Which, of course, made the day super-long. The long day was only made longer by the fact that our computers apparently didn’t get the “memo” on daylight savings time, so our clocks were about an hour fast for half the day…until we all figured it out…and reluctantly returned to 1pm when we thought it was 2. So sad.
The weekend was really good- we watched conference on Saturday and then went up to watch Cadence and Melody. The conference was so, so good for me this time. I remember on my mission it seemed like every talk was something I needed to hear, something to do with my work and my calling at the time. When I got home I was at a loss because all of a sudden it wasn’t my job to teach the gospel every day. Even before that, when I was in Scranton, I remember the talks really hitting home- showing me something that I was missing. My first months in Provo were the hardest months I’ve ever had anywhere. I felt kind of lost and confused- like I was in a new country where I didn’t know the language. I pretended to fit in, but I often felt inadequate. Although I really, really needed reassurance from my leaders, the men and women who have always been able to help me find my footing in the past, I didn’t feel it. Conference just felt flat. It was as if all of a sudden I didn’t have a duty to fulfill- and because of it, I didn’t have a reason to get help. I told myself that it was normal for a returned missionary to feel a “let-down,” but I was still sad, and disappointed. This conference I decided to try and prepare. I believe that God hears me when I pray- and I believe that He inspires and helps me to understand things through His Spirit….therefore, I figured I’d pray that I’d feel something. And I did. I really hoping for reassurance and direction with regard to becoming a Mom- specifically. I know we’ve made the correct choice- but I’m still scared that I’m not ready or that we rushed it because I am the MOST IMPATIENT PERSON EVER. While I listened to the talks this past weekend (which were full of truths I’ve heard hundreds of times, nothing all that new) I felt like I’ve got my feet under me again. Honestly- it wasn’t anything amazing or new, it was just the same old stuff I’ve heard a hundred times, but in a new way. I really do have faith in God- and I hope to be able to teach my child to find it for herself as well (pronoun chosen at random)- but in order to do so I have to be less lazy than I can be sometimes.
Well anyway. Just my thoughts on conference. I should also say hello to my cousin Sara- who is bravely (and I do mean bravely, because yo…it’s HARD) leaning back and forth between normal pregnancy discomfort and actual BIRTH of said child (a little boy actually). She’s apparently been reading quite a lot these days- so I thought I’d give her her own special shout out. Hi Sara!
Oh- and as for the vitamins (as many people have been asking lately) I did try evening and morning and afternoon and about 3 or 4 different brands PRESCRIPTION from the doctor- but to no avail. So Flintstones it is for me. Do you think it’s possible that I’m just…like…allergic? Hmmm. Who knows. In other symptoms…well, actually, miracles of miracles…there are just no news ones. I don’t think. You could ask John, he seems to notice what’s going on with me before I do these days. He’s a smartie- that one.
Hi, about those vitamins….for a while I could tolerate them somewhat. While visiting Zach’s family for the first time I took them thinking I’d be eating breakfast soon but we rushed out of the house to get to the San Diego zoo bright and early. While sitting in the backseat between him and his brother I suddenly knew those pills were coming up. I whispered the situation to Zach and he had his dad pull over. Luckily a gas station was in sight because throwing up in front of his family would’ve been mortifying.
So I say, take what you can. Back in the day they didn’t have prenatal vitamins. Our bodies are built to carry children, eat healthy and there shouldn’t be a problem. But if you’re always worn out, more then the average pregnant woman keep an eye on anemia and an easy iron pill (make sure it’s time released so you don’t get nauseous) should help. Flintstones are rather delicious!