Natural Sceptre

Sooo….It’s been a long week in which I posted NADA. Not that I didn’t think about it, it’s just been tough to find the time. Let’s go back to the beginning and review…

Monday night John decided and I went to Babies ‘r Us and bought a Snoogle. I had been resistant because of the cost associated with this noodle shaped pillow….but my aching back and restless nights made me realize that it would almost most definitely be worth it. We ended up getting the Snoogle and then a cover to go with it (rip offffff) because I couldn’t fathom having a pillow with no cover. Especially a pillow I pay more than 10 bucks for at WalMart. There are quite a lot of thoughts I have about the Snoogle, so I will list them below:

-The cover had a tag that said, “The Original Replacement Cover.” What the crap does that mean?

-The Snoogle, while helping me sleep like a little baby rock in a cocoon, has some unpleasant side-affects. For example, it makes me a supreme cover stealer. Also, it makes it seem like I haven’t “seen” John all night. I know that seems silly. But that’s how I feel.

-I wish other manufacturers would take up the Snoogle business, break up the monopoly a bit and cheapen the price.

-Snoogle has now become a replacement verb for napping. I now “Snoogle” instead of take a nap.

And finally…

-In a way, it feels like the Snoogle has become another part of the family. Not sure how to splain. So I won’t.

But that’s enough about THAT.

I also started at Westminster this week. John and I have driven up there 3 nights this week, first for orientation on Tuesday, and then for class on Wednesday and Thursday. I know I know…WHY, you ask, does my husband have to drive me to school? Well, there are a few reasons. First of all, he seems to want to. He hangs out in SLC and gets homework done. He even made a new friend at the bookstore and played Go. A game that I’m not familiar with, but he seems to like it. The drive with him is nice….we can chat and actually spend some time together instead of just seeing each other on the way in/out. I will be more independent as he has other things he has to do, but for now…I’m happy with the company and not having to park and knowing that I won’t get lost on the way home.

Classes were good. I’m taking two- Intro to Teaching to Writing and Effective Presentations. The first is only a month long, but the second will last until the end of August. I think I’ll really enjoy my Intro course…it seems interesting and will be over before I know it. EP…on the other hand….well, let’s just say I have high standards for a presentations teacher. My Dad has taught a similar course at different companies through the years, and his opinions combined with my training in Scranton have actually taught me how things should go. From what I saw last night the class may be a bit tedious…but at least I’ll get some time presenting to different people, which is always good to keep up. Even if I don’t feel like the instruction will be particularly helpful…practice is ALWAYS good. And it’s credit, right?

It was funny introducing myself around at school. I felt rather shy, actually. And it’s weird being pregnant there. At BYU every other person you see is pregnant, but Westminster is quite different. I’m actually glad to have found a school with a more “typical” student body. I’ll be able to learn how to act around normal people again, haha.

It seems that no matter where I go- whether it’s BYU or Westminster or Scranton or even my mission- I always find a way to make sure I don’t completely fit in. This time, it’s my Little Camper. But I’m glad to have him there with me, even if it differentiates me from my peers. I definitely felt him kick on my HAND last night during class. It was like he was my little ally saying, “Whoa Mom, this is LAME.” Haha. I was so excited, I’ve felt fluttering before, but never a good solid love-tap. There I was in the middle of class experiencing something just amazing, and unable to share it with anyone. More than sad, it made it feel like kind of a special secret.

When I was at orientation one of the students said, “So, you’re working full-time, going to school, AND pregnant?” She said that I was brave. I don’t feel brave- more than anything I feel like I want to be able to tell Little Camper that any time he can make room in his life for education, he should. At almost any cost. No better way to teach him that ideal than to bring him to school with me, I guess! I’ve realized this past week how important it really is to me. Although I’m SO TIRED at night because of all the travel and anticipate quite a lot of work that I might not feel like I have the energy to do- I need to make room for it. It makes everything in my life feel more vibrant and…well, worthy. Work makes sense when I’m going to school, living in Utah makes sense when I’m going to school, being tired makes sense when I’m going to school. Just one more goal to work toward. It feels good. But I’ll probably still whine about it, just to warn you. Haha.

All I have to do is get through May- and then I’ll have just ONE class a week. That will probably be nice as I get bigger and more waddley. Or would that be waddlier? Have to look that one up….

So- I’ve decided to move on from the song title thing. Mostly- they were only amusing- or even made sense- to me. So I think I’ll give it up for awhile.

So, this morning we slept in (Saturday, soooo nice) then got up and proceeded to do the house cleaning we do each week. We then went on a “date,” meaning….Taco Bell, the carwash, and Walmart. Haha. We got a TON of cleaning products- and one pair of weeee pantalones for our impending baby. I think I’m finding out that I’m loving the whole “frog prince” baby thing. The pants I found were on $3 and had teeny little frogs and turtles on them. I think $3 is great for something Little Camper will probably be able to wear for what, like, two weeks? before he starts putting on weight and popping out of the newborn clothes. To be honest, I’m not sure how that works. I guess I’ll find out.

But I DO have a question- so there are all these “green” cleaning products in WalMart that advertise all natural products, safety on cooking services, etc. My only issue is, they don’t say antibacterial. I’m a big fan of antibacterial….but is it really necessary? So tell me, have you gone green? And if so, do they clean as well? And if not, are these bleach products going to poison Little Camper’s little body?

So, then…on the way home…John and I started into a conversation that we actually have quite often. It is a continuation of conversations in which we have figured out that a) he can’t read my mind and b) he won’t notice (by nature of his boy-ness…or just his particular disposition) when it’s time to move the laundry to the laundry room, or do the dishes, etc. What we’ve decided in the past is that I just need to ASK him to do things. I was cool with this- until it started to go one of two ways. Either I figured I shouldn’t ASK him to do something I can just do ( I mean, how lazy is THAT?) or I did ask him, but apparently in a way that made it sound like he needed to drop what he was doing and do what I asked him to do. The funny thing was, I was taking EXTRA CARE not to sound like that, and in all my trying and question preparation time, I was actually just setting him up to be annoyed…somehow…which is turn, was setting me up to be frustrated. Finally, at the end of the conversation when I had decided that I just couldn’t win I sarcastically said, “Fine, what do you want me to do? Make a list of all the things that need to be done and just stick your name next to half the stuff and write when it needs to be done?”

His answer:

“Yes, yes actually. That would work out really well.”

I started laughing. Turns out, in trying to treat him in a way that I thought I was being super nice and polite, I was actually just being annoying. (At least to him.) One more adventure that teaches us that sometimes we just have to figure out the best way to communicate, and not expect the best way to be the way we think it’s going to be. The one thing that I thought would be demeaning and/or a throwback to the living with roommates days might actually be exactly what he wants. It’ll be a clear, consistent expectation that we don’t have to “talk about” all the time. Sweet. I’ll keep you posted. It seriously cracked me up.

So….the little brother has been with us since Tuesday. It’s been pretty good. It’s nice to actually see him, although I rather not see him at 7am walking through my bedroom in his underwear (the bathroom is through our bedroom). But I like having him around. Gives me time to check up on him and see what he’s up to. His girlfriend is nice- and doesn’t seem to mind hanging around with us, which is a good thing. He works a LOT, so he’s not around enough for me to get bugged. Haha, oh little brothers.

Last night- as well, we went and registered for some baby stuff at Babies ‘R’ Us. It was harder than I thought it would be, that’s for sure! There are so MANY things to think about….and they gave us lists and reading materials to figure out what’s what…so once I go through that I’ll probably get online and revise the things John scanned. We’ve got a few months to get it all figured out, but I love registries because it let’s you feel like you’re shopping without spending money prematurely or filling your house with stuff you don’t need yet.

My biggest questions right now are

a) what kind of bottles do you think baby would like? We’re planning on a mixture of breast and bottle feeding that will allow Little Camper to get super amounts of super nutrients but also give me some freedom. So while your thinking about it….what do you think of pumping? Cause that scares me to DEATH.

and

b) Is it cool to wait for stuff like a high chair and a circle thing with the toys and the teetering (I don’t know what those are called) because really…he won’t be able to hang out in those for awhile.

Yeah….this whole experience has been rather enlightening. First of all, I realised that there is a good chance that I’ll be pumping breast milk like…at work…at school….in PUBLIC. Which I didn’t realise. Cause if I was home, I could just feed the kid directly, right? Apparently John already knew that…or had realised it somewhere between the isle for the breast pumps and the “naturally” shaped bottles that allow Little Camper to go back and forth between the two without getting all confused. I DID educate him on one issue, however, in a discussion in which I told why we should definitely circumcise Little Camper. John was apparently thinking either way would work…but I informed him that we’re definitely going for it, because otherwise we’ll have to teach him some hygiene tips that are altogether avoided with a timely snip snip after birth. I mean….I know boys and the effort they like to put into “self-care.” It’s best if everything is as easily cleanable as possible. I know people who would disagree with me, but just check out this article and the interesting, yet clinical word “smegma” to know what I mean. Seriously. Smegma.

And yes, this is now what we talk about on Friday nights. Fun, huh?
Ok- time to switch the laundry and then go wash MY car. I heart Saturdays.

John updated my behind the scenes blogging-stuff…so it looks all new and shiny back here now. Wish you could see- but then again, this is where all the magic happens. So I think I’ll leave it a mystery. So….it’s been a few days! This weekend has been remarkably chill. I haven’t even made John help me with the insane cleaning I usually require each Friday or Saturday. Meaning…besides the bare essentials…we haven’t really done it. I guess it can wait for this week some time.

Friday evening we had Jonathan and his new girlfriend C over for “Spaghetti Dinner” and visiting. Jonathan is so funny- he made some quick noddles with sauce, threw some bread in the oven, and we all sat around the kitchen eating. It was only about an hour, but it was nice to get to meet her and talk to her a bit. I accidentally MIGHT have told C about how Jonathan can’t eat long spaghetti because he choked on it when he was a kid….a half-in/half-out, Mom required for a rescue mission puking it back on your plate kind of incident. It’s actually surprising to me that I can eat long spaghetti still. Hmmm. She just laughed, and I think he’ll forgive me.

After that it was too late to really do anything- so John and I just sat around and watched TV. Saturday we were up and running around. It was gorgeous weather, so we went and got some lunch and drove up the canyon to sit and eat it. After that we ended up running to motherhood maternity to see if there was anything I could fit myself into. Turns out I found some GREAT shorts for about $15 (sweeet) and then after a few more hours of running around (and some window shopping in various stores including REI) I also ended up with a couple of shirts as well, and a new skirt. I’m not huge, by any means, but when I tried to put on my last skirt that really works last night…well, let’s just say it used to be calf length and hit me at the waist, and now it sits under my bra and gets to my knees. Haha. I got things a little bit so hopefully they’ll last for awhile. Then…what did we do….watched a movie, hung out, went to bed.

This morning we woke up and went up to Layton for a family event. It was really nice- I ate like a p-, um pregnant woman… (about 20 strawberries, I think, props to Kim on finding such huge ripe strawberries!) and listened to John and an assortment of siblings and parents remember a trip to….well, I forget where to exactly…except that it included a “five” mile hike that turned out to be something around 15 miles….and an exciting swim for Kim when she got caught in the current of the Rio Grande and ended up swimming over to Mexico. And then back. Hahaha. Seriously- that’s hysterical. The highlight of the day, though, was when Jared and Emily showed up and Cadence yelled, “Erin!” and decided to sit by me while she got used to everyone in the room and take in her surroundings. I remember the days when it was me she was getting used to! This was a really nice event because it wasn’t about me or John or the wedding or anything- we just got to be part of the family. Maybe it was especially nice for me because I didn’t have to worry about wearing a pretty dress or being gracious and thanking everyone in sight…I could just enjoy family. I’m glad we went up and saw everyone.

I got a nice nap in on the ride home from Layton (oh, if only I could do that every day) (the nap, not the drive to Layton) and then came home and had some pancakes. Yes…more eating. Tomorrow is back to the grind, but not before we have our second ultrasound. We could very well know what the baby is tomorrow morning. I guess we’ll just have to see. I don’t want to get my hopes up…too much. But it would be nice to know. It would help us with names. We’ve got a few girl ideas…but NO boys ideas. Not really, anyway. Nothing we can agree on.

Well, I think I might be due for a snack. Peanut butter and toast anyone?

What a day.  To be truthful, I don’t remember it all that much.  I know my husband kissed me goodbye and went to work, I got up late (I’ve perfected the art of the 25 minute getting ready routine), got to work, ran reports and went to a meeting…somewhere around 3pm I realised I was running on a severely empty tank.  I was freezing to death (and wrapped in John’s winter jacket, which I’m in love with these days) and so tired and nauseous and went into my boss and asked to go home.  I rarely do this- unless I have a real reason, like an exam to take or an unavoidable errand to run, I usually stick it out, even if I threaten to go home a few hundred times.  But home I went, without even flinching.  When I got here I sat on the couch long enough to email John and tell him that I was home (no texting, remember) and then I got in bed.  And slept.  I was OUT.  I slept for a little over an hour (I think….) until John got home.  He had to run out again to go to some museum for class- and although I considered going with him, he assured me that neither of us would enjoy it.  So I stayed home.  He ran out to the museum, then stopped by the bookstore, then stopped by and got me some Life Cereal and my pre-natal vitamins, and then came home to me.  I’ve missed him today.  I think I’m slightly obsessed with being near my husband.  Sometimes running errands separately feels weird.  We will probably have to become more independent one of these days, but until we do, I can enjoy how nice it is to cuddle him after not seeing him for a few hours.

I’m finally all caught up at work- which always takes about this long after payroll ends.  Now I’ll have a couple of “down” days and then payroll again.  It’s kind of a cycle.

I am officially in my second trimester, and experiencing a whole host of new things.  Some too unpleasant to mention online, lest you get grossed out and I discourage some poor soul from having a child.  I’m told it’s worth it.  Among the things I CAN mention are some very random dreams….including one of me spending the night in my own uterus (and I thought there was no room in our bed!), getting mad at my husband (sometimes I’m so mad when I wake up I have to lay there and look at him and remind myself that he has done absolutely nothing for me to be mad about), and one this evening of trying to “fix” a raffle at work so I’d win something.  To usher in the “new-mester” I woke up at 3 this morning with some very familiar hunger pangs- ended up chocking down a cheese stick (I’m so over my previous obsession with Honey Combs) and trying to go back to bed.  I woke up nauseous, which was crappy…because I’ve been actually waking up just fine for a few weeks now.  In other news, if I turn too far to the right or left I get a very strange pulling sensation that hurts.  And when I sneeze I think my uterus is going to fall out, and I sneeze A LOT.   And we won’t even talk about my bathroom problems.  Not much action going on in there.  That’s for sure.  ALSO- is my leg hair growing faster and…well, for lack of a better  word (do forgive me for this) peltier?  It’s crazy.  Just crazy.

Well, anyway.  I just pray I can sleep tonight and won’t just lay away all night thinking about how John’s big toe is on my side of the bed and how I’m not, not even a little, mad at him.

Until later….

So.  My primary class today.  For any who need catching up, I teach 8 year old girls at church.  I noticed they were all looking at me a little funny- and then towards the end on particuarly boisterous little girl said:

“Are you pregnant?”

Before I could even say yes, the little girl to her left opened her eyes wide and informed her:

“You NEVER, never, never, never ask a woman if she’s pregnant.  She could just be putting on weight.”

The first little girl answered back,

“But it’s just in her belly, not in her butt!”

Good to know girls.  Good to know.

But the conversation didn’t stop there.  The little girl who insisted that you NEVER ask someone if they are pregnant (actually a good rule, I informed her) went on to ask:

“Are you having a girl, or a boy?”  (without waiting for an answer) “You know, if you get a boy first, you should ask for a girl next.  But if you get a girl first, you should ask for a boy next.  But if you get TWO boys in a row, it’s you’re husband’s fault.”

Third girl interjects:

“Why is it the Dad’s fault?”

Other girl continues:

“Well, you see.  The Dad gives the Mom a sperm.  If it’s a boy sperm, then it’s a boy baby!  If it’s a girl sperm, it’s a girl baby!  It’s not like he gets to choose really, but it’s still his fault.  My Mom told me that.”

Another one pipes up:

“What’s a sperm?”

And at that point, I ended the conversation and made them go to their next class….hoping that I don’t get a phone call later.

Yes. It’s been quite a week. Even as I sit here, on the couch, showered but still in PJ’s- I’m wondering if I could perhaps get away with doing absolutely nothing all day long. But probably not- because the house needs cleaning and I am 3 questions away from finishing my science “at home work,” and I want to go to the grocery store because dagummit, I’m going to cook something today!

I’ve got a lot of random thoughts from this past week. The tagline comes from a moment I had in Macey’s- the store next to the building where I work. I was getting a couple of cheese sticks and some juice because I, for some reason, can still not stomach meat….and need to get protein in other ways…and there was this woman with a little baby on her shoulder. She was standing in front of the cheese stick selection picking up different bags- and talking to some woman behind her. She picked one up and put it in the cart, and then kind of shook her head. The other woman said, “I think you’ll be happy with your splurge.” She replied, “Yeah, Dan will be really really excited.” And then they walked on.

This floored me. Ok- so, we’ve had a couple of hard knocks. Between me losing my job and John losing his car and all of this with the knowledge that our financial need is literally growing every day- we’ve never thought of cheese sticks as a luxury. Food pretty much is just necessary- and yes, we could budget better, we could eat out less, we could buy less “pre-packaged food” to save costs….but I guess it just hasn’t come to that yet. Which makes me grateful. I don’t remember a time when my family has ever gone without food or had to budget what we got a the grocery store (maybe, I just don’t remember the hard times or maybe, being able to shop tax-free on base meant that we had more freedom to have the food we wanted/needed) and I am grateful that our financial situation has  never caused me to spend 20 minutes belaboring the decision to buy some cheese. Who knows- we might be there some day- but for now, I am learning to count my blessings. We have one car- it works well. We probably have the means (in the near future) to get another car, and we’ll be fine. But anyway….moving on.

We had another doctor’s appointment yesterday morning. I’m finding every time I go to the OB/GYN I feel- well, unsatisfied. Especially yesterday- I have so many questions, and I wanted the time to be able to really talk about it. I got to ask her about some different foods, and about what would happen if she wasn’t available when the baby was going to be born, and about my ever present digestive problems- but most of my health questions were followed with an answer something like, “Well, right now we really can’t tell. Just keep track of it, and if it gets worse, let me know.” She was practically one foot out the door the whole time. It was a little stressful, too, because at first, she couldn’t find the heartbeat. She tried for about 10 minutes with no luck- until I told her that from the ultrasound I seem to remember the tech saying that my uterus tilts back and to the left….turns out, it’s back and to the right. When she finally found it (phew) she just kind of laughed and said something to the effect of, “Wow. I’ve never seen it there before. That really shouldn’t cause any problems…I don’t think.” Yeah, incredible confidence. John feels pretty good about her, and I guess I do think she is medically thorough- I just happen to be the kind of girl that when she’s growing an entire other person inside of her, likes to be sat down and told exactly why everything is going as planned. John had a point- I’m not presenting with any problems (that she thinks are serious)…so I guess it’s on to the next preg-o woman in line. But I’m left wanting. So, ladies with babies out there….what has your experience been with doctors? How can you tell you have a good one? What are the signs of one to leave behind?? I’m just wondering….

Oh yeah, one more thing!  I got up a little early yesterday morning to make sure I shaved my legs before I went to the doctor.  Now, keep in mind, I’ve been a shave every day since I was 13 kind of girl….until I met up with something called the incredible exhaustion of person creation.  But I just thought, if I were an OB/GYN, I’d appreciate a certain level of comeliness in my patients.  But she didn’t even have me change out of my regular clothes!!  I wish they’d let me know what they were going to do with these appointments…I mean, I told John, “I shaved my legs for no reason!”  His response, “Well, I appreciate it.”  Hahahaha.  Poor man.   I love him soooo much.

I feel bad because I’ve been quite the emotional basketcase lately.  Seriously, I started crying the other night and I really remember from the episode was some incoherent ramblings, “Sobbb….and the dishes….sob….and I didn’t even make dinner….soobbbbb…..and I’m……sobsobsobsobsbo FATTER AND FATTER.”  He’s a good one, he lets me cry it out (I think he actually is relieved when I start to cry, as opposed to walking around here in an emotional stupor trying to figure out what it is I’m feeling.  And then last night…when I’m not even sure what happened, I think we were joking about who needed to put the DVD in the DVD player, and I was laughing, and then next thing you know I was crying…and after it was all over he just said, “Are you OK?”  and I said, “Yeah, just a mood-swing,” and he said, “Yeah, caught that.” Oh the adventures of hormones.

Work is going well- I’ve finally told everyone there that I’m “with child.”  You can’t imagine the freedom.  Maybe you can- I’m not sure why I was so hesitant to tell people there.   I just needed time to get it all sorted out in my head- and figure life out a little bit.  I feel, now, like I’m free to just be happy about it.  Which is good, and the girl that sits behind me and I chat about stuff every so often- which is nice.

I think the worst part of life at the moment is the fact that I am tragically out of touch with some people that I really love.  My friend Emi wrote me an email because she can’t get in touch with me these days….and I just love her.  She’s great- the things she does with her life are great- she is literally the least lazy person I’ve ever known.  The kind of person who  can’t sit still and lives for “the doing.”  I think I only ever got her to sit in one place for a significant amount of time for a movie.  That kind of reminds me of my father in law! If memory serves- I think they met at the wedding in MA.

Then there is Jess, and Christine, and Lindsey who doesn’t even know I’m pregnant (unless she reads this, HI LINDZ, we need to talk soon!!!) and my cousins and of course, my Provo friends who live RIGHT HERE and I never see.  Alicia and Shanna and Becca and Shelly- I’m not avoiding friends- I’ve just been soooo tired.  Maybe in another couple of weeks I’ll be full of that glowing energy everyone keeps talking about.  There’s always room for hope.

Ok- I think I’ve digested enough of the pancakes John made this morning to get up and going ;)  Time to get some stuff done.  I’ll try to be better about writing….

We started today with a VERY early morning.  The only time we could get in for our ultrasound was at 7 am.  Hum.  AND, I wasn’t allowed to pee beforehand.  Apparently, at this early in the game, it’s easier to see the baby with a full bladder.  And I was congratulated on just how full I got that bladder.  Haha.  But anyway.  So yeah!  Ultrasound!  FREE ultrasound!  John and I decided to participate in a study that requires me to take vitamin C and vitamin E- and gives me free ultrasounds etc.  And it was so much fun!  The guy was so nice- he took his time and explained all kinds of things to us (apparently I have a tilted uterus which means it’ll take longer for me to feel the baby kick, and then I’ll probably feel it in the back) and showed us the heart beating and let us listen to it.  We saw the baby kicking around in there- all hyper and carefree.  It made me hold my breath.  I can’t believe that there is a real person in there!  I mean, right now, kind of a webby/arm buddy kind of person, but a person!  And I’m growing it!  They recorded the entire thing on a VHS tape for us (which was awesome to watch again this afternoon after work) and we got three pictures.  This is one of them.  They all kind of look the same.  Grey blob baby.  Left = head area Right = butt area.

I really really have to find a way to tell people at work that I’m going to have a baby.  It’s hard because first of all- it just feels private.  A friends and family type piece of information.  I guess it’s that New Englander in me coming out.  But then again- I’m going to keep expanding.  I’ve gotta fess up sometime.  But here’s the thing- if I could make it through the last month without anyone guessing (that’s saying they’re not guessing) then it should really not affect my work.  At all.

In other news- I talked to my boss about school today.  She’s supportive of my night class during the summer, even if it means I have to leave work at 4 or 4:30 once a week.  So that’s good news.  Just gotta finish up this science class….