Natural Sceptre

As I walk into my office this morning I find the visiting partners from New York inhabiting my space. One of them was sitting at my desk and moved out of the way when I got in. First thing the guy says to me is:

“Sorry.  I left my banana on your desk.”

Nice to meet you, too.

Then he leaned over to get into his bag and accidentally almost went through mine. And I say: (get this)

“Don’t worry. The only thing you’ll find in there is saltines and dollar bills.”

What? Did that actually just come out like I’m some sort of pregnant stripper? Yes, yes it did. Awkward.  Possibly the most awkward conversation of my entire life.

So…we’re standing in Border’s about to buy Coraline, by Neil Gaiman when this girl behind us in line, looking at all the little inspriational books on a swivelling displays exclaims:

(insert best Utah accent here) “Oh my gosh.  This book is so lame.  Don’t they even write real books anymore?”

It was all I could do from saying,”Um, turn around.”

Poor girl didn’t know that to find REAL books you have to venture further than the front few feet of the store.  I wonder what she thought all those papery-rectangular things with words in them were, anyway.  I guess they didn’t look enough like her favorite classic of all time: Elmo Goes Camping.  It’s hard to compete.

I try and make a seductive face, and start to giggle.

“I hate that face. I can never do seductive faces.”

“You don’t trust your seductive face. You have to learn to just go with it.”

“Wow, that was deep. You’ve been watching too much America’s Next Top Model.”

“Yes. Yes I have.”

(In all fairness, he’s only watching it because I’m obsessed. And we only have one TV.)

MY FAVORITE.

I love this one because of the way she says “wedge” with ALL OF HER TEETH.  I can watch this every five minutes and I just stare at it in wonderous awe of how many TEETH that woman has.   And she’s still attractive!  My dad would just say, “She had a lot of teeth.”

Here it Is.  Good job Mastercard.

This one just made me cry, because it is so true.  Oh Vista.

I’ll look for more favorites later.

I love using different pans to cook dinner.  When I first moved into this place, and for most of the summer, all we ever did was cook Kielbasa on the “contact grill.”  I say “contact grill” because it make my mom laugh every time I said it.  Haha.  It got to be that I HATED washing it.  We went between tilapia and rice….kielbasa and rice…chicken and rice, and I hated how heavy and how snappy and how hingy it was.  After we got married and after John moved in, all of a sudden we had a rice maker (two! one doubles as a steamer!) an electric skillet and a wok.  Tonight we made stew beef, fried in the wok in extra virgin olive oil, onion, garlic and celery salt with mixed veggies and smashed potatoes.  And John made fresh bread (gluten-free of course) so we even had warm bread out of the breadmaker.  It might be somewhat simple…but I looked at our plates tonight and felt proud.  Grownup food!  I’ve EVEN started to use the OVEN.  As in, make chicken or pork chops in there.  It’s a brand new world.

I’ve also been searching for the perfect strainer.  We got one for our wedding that’s great, and has hingy legs that hold it up over the sink, but I found it too big for most every day uses.  Then, we had two wiry ones that were IMPOSSIBLE to clean.  Who knew?  Not me!  So I bought one from Wal*Mart that I thought would solve the problem.  It didn’t work.  I had five…and none of them made me happy.  Then John and I were wandering around IKEA and we saw this.  APPARENTLY, they are called COLANDERS, and this one has changed my life.  I love it, it’s perfect.  And seriously, $1.99?  That’s amazing.  I love IKEA. 

Today has been pretty good.  There was sleeping, there was breakfast…then we ran some errands.  I was a little stressed because we needed to go to Costco.  It’s a love/hate relationship with Costco…I love filling our freezer with meat, and not shopping for a few weeks…but I HATE dropping however much money it takes to do it.  Then, I remembered.  I got a rebate check from when I bought my computer earlier this year!  It covered the bill exactly.  I love stuff like that!  We also had to get a part for John’s car.  The fan relay was broken, and was stuck on the “on” position.  This little problem killed his battery at work the other night, and he could drive his car just fine as long as he got a jumpstart.  So, 20 minutes of driving around, a few dollars (ok, a few more than a few) I pulled my car around and we hooked them up, John put in the new part, and Wal-Lah!  Fixed.  I am so happy to be married to a man that knows that fan relays exist. 

I had to review a movie for my film class again…I chose Amelie.  A French film that I love.  Here’s the thing, they played it on campus at the International Cinema, but I didn’t go see it there, I opted to rent it instead.  Turns out there is a bit of nudity and sexual content that probably would’ve been cut out if I saw it on campus, as well as a montage of a sperm fertilizing an egg and a baby being born (about 5 seconds long) in the opening.  I have fixed feelings about this.  I can’t even explain to you how much I love this movie.  John watched it with me today and said, “Of course you love this movie, Amelie is you!”  She collects rocks just to hold them and throw them, loves to put her hands in bins of beans, just because it feels nice, and has a series of other idiosyncrasies that mirror my own tendencies to get lost and pay attention to little things I enjoy.  I love how she falls in love- I love that she helps people find happiness and see the extraordinary in the ordinary, but I know that I couldn’t recommend the movie to anyone.  It’s French…and so the sexuality isn’t the same as you would see in an American movie- and it is definitely not just to draw viewers.  There is no element just thrown in to be risque, it’s all part of life, a commentary on being human- imperfection and quirkiness and all.  And even still, I see that Mormon-Ad with the ice cream sunday with a bug sticking it in reading, “It’s good except for the bad parts.”  But there’s something in me that just won’t see this as ugliness.  I generally have a pretty sensitive spirit when it comes to movie, but I felt uplifted by this one.  What do ya do?

We watched another one this weekend for my film class called, “A Room with a View,” by the BBC.  It was a little older, and was full of a specific kind of English Humor that I love…(this Sense and Sensibility, not Mr. Bean).  Again, we encountered a scene that we DEFINITELY wouldn’t have seen in the International Cinema.  There are two younger guys and a Vicar who all go swimming somewhere in the middle/end of the movie.  Things are going swimmingly until all of a sudden, they’re naked and chasing each other around for 10 minutes.  And it shows EVERYTHING.  Seriously.  I’VE SEEN A NAKED VICAR.  Or, at least, an actor playing one.  John and I were shocked…stunned, not sure what to do.  I have no idea how that’s even allowed.  Let’s be honest.  No one wants to see that.  What’s up with BYU picking foreign films with nudity, cutting it out for the IC, and having all kinds of students forming a love for a film that’s going to SHOCK THE CRAP out of them in 5 years when they decide, “I loved that movie, I should buy it and watch it again!”  One of those, “I don’t remember THIS part” moments.  3.  Naked.  Men.  That’s all I’ve got to say.  BYU is responsible for that one.

So now I’m going to do some work, then write up a bunch of reviews of these films online…and then maybe do some science.  Life is beautiful, minus naked vicars, that is.

So.  A few nights ago I was having a rough time sleeping.  Occasionally I feel like I can HEAR everything.  The people upstairs, the crickets outside, John breathing.  It’s distracting and keeps me up.  I don’t know why every so often it’s like I get super sonic night-time hearing.  Anyway.  So, the other night, I devised a plan.  I went into the bathroom and got two cotton-balls…and stuck them in my ears.  The problem: small ears, BIG cotton balls.  They kept falling out and I think taking them out and putting them back in was way MORE distracting than all the noise I was hearing before.  Miraculously, somewhere in the midst of all the commotion, I fell asleep.  In the morning- one happy cotton ball was sitting sedentary on my pillow.  I threw it away.  Then I got scared.  Where was the other one?  It’s not in my ear.  It’s not under the bed…or in the sheets.  What if I ate it??  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  Three days later, John and I are waking up.  I’m in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and John is walking around the bedroom.  All of a sudden he stops, and says, “Erin.  You know that cotton ball you’ve been looking for?”  He walks into the bathroom and puts it on the plastic bin.  IT WAS IN HIS POCKET.  HIS PAJAMA PANTS POCKET.  Sometime, in the middle of the night, when confronted with the question of the century:  Wherever shall I put this cotton ball?  I didn’t go for the bed-stand…or even the floor.  No, I must of rolled over and PUT IT IN MY HUSBAND’S POCKET.

 That’s weird.

Alicia burped right before we took the picture.

Made us crack up.

“…The next thing you’ll notice about people in Utah, as you glance upward from the brown belt and brown shoes, is the attention to detail they give to the back of their heads. It’s as if the whole state has been told that they can’t possibly go out with the back of their heads looking like that, and so they go back and spend ten more minutes with their backsides to the mirror creating what I like to call The Conflagration! It’s a miniature replica, in follicle form, of the ferocious fire that will swallow the earth at the second coming of Jesus Christ. It’s as if people are bearing testimony with their hair that God lives and is angry.”

And this is why I love Dooce.com

She’s rather irreverent, but makes me laugh. A lot.

Just one more link before I get back to the proposal

 http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/