Natural Sceptre

Last night, as I was plodding around our house making dinner, washing towels, and feeling generally, not well…I felt home.  For the first time since I’ve moved to Provo, for the first time since living in our little basement apartment (either with my brother or with my husband) I felt as if I were in my own home. I’ve figured out that certain times of year connect me to where I am.  A nice crisp September will help me feel happy with my surroundings faster than anything else.  Enough time, enough experiences, and a certain level of control over the area also help me to feel like home.  Last night, I think I felt it so keenly as a side-effect to being at home, wandering around in my PJ’s, waiting for John to come home from work.

Let’s just leap back in time a few (12…) months, and I remember making sure that I was completely dressed and reasonably attractive before I would even let John into my house.  I also freaked a little if I needed to use the bathroom (for ANYTHING) whilst he was in the living room.  Yes, I know, just pathetic.  Last night, I felt ucky, and wandered around in a big sweatshirt and pj pants, and ended up washing all my makeup off long before he got home.  I wasn’t concerned with what I looked like, I just wanted him to hug me and kiss my forehead and look happy to be home.  And he did.  And I realized that I feel home.  It was a really good feeling.

Interestingly enough ( as a contrasting experience )sitting in an odious science class today, I was overwhelmed with the desire to be back in New England.  I don’t want just crisp air, I want wet crisp air.  I want normal people who don’t over-layer their clothing, and who don’t make a reference to the Quorum of the Seventy or to the Doctrine and Covenants every five seconds.  I sometimes miss Scranton where people didn’t connect their college education to the knowledge that they will take with them through eternity.  Let’s live in the moment!  And let’s skip class sometimes!

So, there I am.  Torn.  I feel like we’ve got a home.  A real one, a nice one, one where I have someone I love (occasionally even other people  I love stop by and linger for awhile), and, on the other hand, I miss my environment.  I miss people who wears scarves and the smell of coffee and even sometimes the smell of (if it’s the kind my Grandma June smoked) cigarettes, and I miss seeing someone and having no idea what their life is like, as opposed to seeing someone and being able to guess, with reasonable success, the plan they’ve got working for them in their life.  Go to school, get married, CES or Law School? And guess what, if you want to know what their life plan is you can go up to them, sit down, and start a conversation.  They are friendly enough to answer you and talk to you for awhile.  I miss people who stare at you like you’re crazy until you go away.

 I was talking with John the other day and I admitted that in all actuality- I really like Utah.  I love having Salt Lake so close, full of small shops and normal people.  (Well, that’s relative.)  And I love Park City, and the mountains, and the relative AFFORDABLITY of everything.  However, as soon as I get around enough people (especially on campus) I rescind my opinion.  Fast.  Stuck in the middle again.

So, this morning, the love of my life showed up before I came to work. I was getting myself together and talking to my Mom (currently residing with me) and I hear a happy taptaptap at the door (which is weird, no one ever knocks…) and then in pops John. He exclaims, “Everyone’s cars are in the way!” “I look at him incredulously. I mean, it’s about 8:15 am. He’s up, and showered, and apparently, FULL of energy. “What do you need?” “I’ve got SEVEN boxes!!!” So I hand him the keys, still kind of bewildered. And after some good morning hugging, he proceeds to move cars so he can bring in some boxes of books and other odds and ends, including tents and old violins. So there it is. The man is excited about moving in He’s been up all night thinking about the wedding and writing and I’m sure a myriad of other things…and then he came over bright and early to share his energy.

The only thing is…now we probably won’t have so much energy for date night…wondering what we’re going to do….

We’re getting so close to August!  I can’t believe how much there is to do!  On top of all the last minute wedding stuff that needs done/decided/pondered/encouraged I also have quite a lot on my plate at work.  We have a goal set to get 10 chapters and the book proposal done before I leave for the wedding.  We’ve got 6 done, and I’ve been circling around 2 others and the proposal, trying to get my thoughts and all of the details together to make it work.  I think today I got through quite a lot of the confusion, and we’re now closer to have 8 chapters and the proposal done, leaving me with two chapters to start this week and finish up next week.  I was starting to feel the strain a bit, especially when one of my files was nowhere to be found.  But things are under control, for now.  My job will change a bit as school starts, allowing me to focus mainly on the book and the blogging work and less on admin duties (not that I actually do too much, now)- which will be great.  It’s going to be rather interesting juggling school, work, and a new marriage (not put in order of importance) come September.  Just another of life’s big adventures.  I can’t WAIT to graduate.  I’m really earnestly interested in getting this book going and learning more about the publishing arena.  Grad school, yes, but not for a bit.

So, in house news, we’ve really started to get things set up!  EVEN pictures on the walls!  The painting arrived from home.  It was kind of funny, my Mom packed it up, sent it off, and then beat it out here, and ended up opening the packages when they got here, too!  I’m really excited to get the office set up.  I really groove on home organization.  That will probably be more of an “after the wedding” type situation.  But you never know.  We may rearrange Jonathan a bit before he goes to allow us to get the stuff we need to into that room.  It’s becoming quite a full house!  John’s migration continues.  It was a good move, starting to move things over slowly.  Now I’ve got plenty of time to cater to my obsessive compulsive need for everything to have a place.  All we need are some DRAWERS.

So, tonight, I think I’m going to…well, I don’t know.  I feel like there is so much to do, but most of it has to do with cleaning and buying desks and sending invites and thank you cards and la la la, and what I really want to do is relax a bit.  So we’ll see what happens.  Something will, I’m sure.

It’s RAINING. It’s raining. It’s raining. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. As I was driving Jonathan to work this morning (he works landscaping) I said, “What will you do if it rains?” I meant, “Will you need to be picked up because your job is an outside job,” but he responded thoughtfully and seriously, “I will prance around like a gazelle. One of the small, light ones.” And that’s what you get when you stick two New England kids in a desert and expect them to get by with cool showers and lots of lotion. Actually, that was my first tip off this morning. I woke up, and didn’t immediately run for the lotion in an attempt to rehydrate my hands and face. Sometimes I wake up feeling so dry I think if I move to quickly I’ll crack and fall on the floor in a little pile of dust. Ok, maybe that’s taking it too far. But, anyway, I’m very, very happy that it’s raining. I hope it lasts past noon. I’m wondering if it’ll even last an hour.

So yes, everyone, I picked up the dress. It is currently hanging on the wall in my bedroom on a hook specifically installed for this purpose. When we picked it up yesterday, I was soooo nervous. It’s definitely fitted. It’s definitely heavy. So- I’ve started a new “be strong enough to wear the dress” program. It sounds silly- but I need to walk more and go to the gym a little more (meaning at all) so as to not be huffing and puffing around in this thing. It fits- but I don’t want to Dorito myself out of a dress in a month- so I’m going to be a little better about the millions of chips and peanut butter cups I usually consume daily. But it’s pretty. So pretty. It makes me feel pretty. I’m very, very happy.

My Mom is also sending me out a print of the painting we’ve chosen as the theme for our wedding, it’s Chagall’s Three Candles. We’re going to use it at the reception (my mom also used it for the stamps on the invites…she’s a crafty one), but then just have it at our house when we’re done. It’s so beautiful, what a good mom, huh? She’s also sending me out my map of my mission area in England and some lace that we had framed when I got home last year. This home is going to get decorated, yet!

I have to say, for the record, that I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe right now. Too many good things, a fiance who I LOVE, who cracks me up and and makes me think and supports me in all of my desires and endeavors, a brother who loves me enough to brave utter dehydration to spend a couple months with me before I get married, parents who understand and love me, and support my life choices, AND, ON TOP OF ALL THAT my new expanding family is loving and supportive and wonderful as well. Oh yes, and don’t forget a cozy, attractive place to live and good friends (the soul kind) scattered from coast to coast. Don’t know what I did to get it so good, but I’m happy about it.

Ok. I think I’m done running at the mouth about how I love my life right now.

If I were a Queen on the Chessboard of my Google Calendar, my Wedding would be just a zigzag away. Yesterday, it was a straight shot. But, anyway, officially- we’re a month away. Crazy stuff, huh? Yesterday at work everyone kept saying, “You’re in the month range now! How are your feet?” So, for the record, feet are great.

So, it’s feeling like a Friday. I wonder why….oh yeah! We have tomorrow off! I love having a grown-up job that’s NOT retail that allows me to actually celebrate holidays. We (meaning John, Jon and I) plan to go up and hike Timp Cave. John got us tickets for a tour of sorts. It sounds like it’ll be cool, well, very hot, and then very cold. But I’m excited, seems like the perfect 4^th activity. Maybe on the way home from work today I’ll brave Harmons and get some hotdogs and hamburgs for our “contact grill,” and any other festive food- if they’ve got any left at this point. Then we’ll probably try to find a place to watch the fireworks. We’re thinking about the horse trail behind our house, we can walk to it. That’s going to be a lot of climbing stuff tomorrow- that’s for sure.

So yeah, I haven’t been feeling like updating the last couple of days- not sure why. I think it might be because I had a bit of a sickie beginning to the weekend, and then just felt rather tired over the rest of it. It was nice, though, we got a few things done here and there. We finally got out to IKEA, where I found the dresser of my dreams. (medium brown) It’s short, but long, and has six really huge drawers. I thought, “This is great! I can have half, and John can have half!” Well…we got it home and set it up (not too bad a task, but I was on the phone with my Mom for half of it…) and I started filling my half…and half of John’s half, and the other half of John’s half…SO, we’ll need another dresser in medium brown. But they’re so affordable at IKEA, so it’s ok. I told John I’d make room for him in there, and I COMPLETELY intended to, but he said not to worry. So it’s official, I have more room for my things that I’ve had in years. I think I’m spoiled, just a bit. It’s a nice feeling, setting up our apartment. It’s lucky we have similar tastes, huh? I called my Mom to tell her what we got at IKEA, the dresser, two clocks, a cool ice cube tray, and a bag of chips. All for around $200. Her reply: “Wow! All that and a bag of chips?” Yes, this is my mother. Haha.

In other news, we also had a bit of a crispy day in our neighborhood last week. The field across from our house caught on fire, and with the dry conditions (meaning no rain, ever, ever, ever) the blaze went up the hill and into the mountain. When I say it was across the street, I mean ACROSS THE STREET. Our house was filled with smoke for a couple of days- it was kind of gross. It was scary, too. There were helicopters trying to contain the flames, and the fire crews didn’t leave for a few days. A few still lurk around just in case. Apparently it came close to some homes, but everything turned out ok. People were evacuating their animals- but I don’t think anyone got hurt. I guess it got started from a spark off a lawn mower, or something. Interesting…I had never seen anything like that before.

Also, and I’ll let John spread the word on this one, we’re going to be in a movie. You’ll probably be able to buy it at WalMart for $12.99 next year sometime. I’m pre-embaressed. Just so you know.

Today was pretty fab. Woke up, took the little brother to work, got myself together, and then went to a wedding One by one, all the girls from my mission are getting married. Jessie got married in the Bountiful temple- it was so beautiful. I’ve never gotten emotional at a sealing before, but I was a little more teary today. I think it had something to do with the mother of the bride coming up to me before we all went in to see the sealing, hugging me tight and saying, “You all just got home!” It probably helped, too, that I kept thinking that it’d be me, soon enough. As the date gets closer, I just get happier.

I also got to see President and Sister Kinnersley. I seriously heart them.

So, aside from some work stuff I had to get done, I mostly just cleaned after I got home from Bountiful. Lotsa cleaning the house. There’s something very therapeutic about cleaning- I kind of enjoy it. I know, I’m weird. What I DIDN’T enjoy today was realizing that our little ant problem is still in full force. We don’t have ants in our house, per say. They are mostly in the staircase coming down to our front door. About a week ago I bought some little anty killing things. I figured today I’d just go out there and vacuum up all their little dead carcasses. However, when I got out there they were walking in and out of those things like they were little anty Marriott’s. I swear when I bent down to look at them they all paused, turned and looked at me, and laughed. Arg.

It’s been a good couple of days. A couple setbacks, mostly due to the satanic furniture store called RC Willey and the fact that a storm delayed our rings getting finished (apparently they need electricity to make rings…or something.) But it’s all going to work out.

We’ve been able to get some things arranged for the wedding- talking over ideas for the receptions and where to stay when and in what state, etc. My Mom managed to find a place for us to stay in Manti the night before the wedding. I’m kind of nervous about that day- almost more about the day before than the actual day of the wedding. It’ll be nice to have a place to stay sorted out. John and I also found a GREAT B&B in Maine- which I’m really excited about. Our trip to Maine between the two wedding celebrations is for two purposes, really. #1) Maine is cool- and oh so very “us” #2) Portland is the proud home of the University of Southern Maine- a contestant for our grad school experience in a couple of years. We’re going to eat some good fish (I would say lobster, but John doesn’t eat things that he has to attack) and check out the school. All in all- very excited.

In other news- I apparently don’t know how to take care of plants. The flower in the office is dying- not even slowly- it’s just dying. I’ve done all I know how to do- sun, water, love and attention, to no avail. N0w the one in my house is turning yellow-ish around the edges. John says that they need nutrients…so I guess tomorrow I’ll need to get out and about to find some nutrients.

Little brother is settling in well. The landscaping guy finally called today and set him up with a job- so that’ll be GOOD. Now I won’t worry about him being stuck in the house all day while John and I are at work. It’s nice to have him around I’m a lucky girl, to have people I love here in Provo.

The internet is back! Very, very glad. I plugged and unplugged and replugged a bunch of things when I got home from work. Nothing happened. Then John came and plugged and unplugged and replugged a bunch of things. Miracle of miracles: the internet works. I have no idea why it doesn’t work when I do it. I have a feeling it will be on and off for awhile as the new couple settles in upstairs. They’re nice though- very approachable.

Soooo…the house project continues. It’s actually at the point where it’s completely liveable. We’ve got something to sit on (a couple things to sit on!) a table, a tv, various kitchen appliances, and food! Not to mention a bed, AND a washer and dryer. Yes, yes, very liveable indeed. I feel lucky and excited.

Work is going well. I’m starting to this that the editing/publishing thing could be an interest that sticks. I think I’ve been fixated on it for about 6 months now- longer than the whole comparative religion thing, longer still than my desire to be a 911 operator or firewoman. Yes. I said firewoman.

So. Following another train of thought, John and I had another of our “debates” tonight. It started, I think, with my desire for napkins that match my food. If we’re eating Dominos, I like Dominos napkins. If we’re eating Wendy’s, I enjoy a Wendy’s napkin. ANYWAY…actually, that had nothing to do with it. I think we were actually discussing peoples’ obsession with poverty and crime in other countries without recognizing the problem in our own country (what I think is interesting is that in these sorts of debates I always take the liberal view while John defends the conservative, while we’re actually both independent), and I asked John one last question intending to drive my point home. I think I wanted to prove that he does, indeed, care about people in Uganda. He turned to me and said, “I do. And more importantly, I care about you. I love you.” What I’m wondering is: which mother did he get that tactic from? I had no argument for that!

Arg.