Yes. We are home again. The title refers to a conversation Jon, John and I had on the way home from the airport Wednesday night. John and I got home late Monday, and Jonathan flew back on Wednesday after midnight. He’s decided to stay in Provo after all- he’s continuing his job, got an apartment down the road, and is currently driving my car. I’m not sure how pot came up on the way home…but somehow it did. Probably during a conversation about hand-me-down kitchen items available now that John and I are rolling in the Bed, Bath and Beyond gift certificates.

We are currently in the process of home reorganization. Also called: give all John’s stuff a home. We’ve already got plastic bins with drawers and shelves…now John has the tedious task of going through bins and boxes and getting rid of trash and sifting all his belongings into categories. I have no idea if he knew what he got into marrying me. I wonder if I should have said something like, “Just so you know, before you commit, I have a special home categorization technique that requires everything to have a home with like objects. How do you feel about this?” I think it was all the Sesame Street as a child. As I look into John’s boxes all I can think is “one of these things is not like the other.” It has been really fun this week going and getting LOADS of stuff at BB&B (thanks to everyone for the gift certificates!) and putting all our presents away. Not gonna lie. LOVE presents. And although we’ve heard a lot of horror stories about getting duplicates of everything and having to go through major return-hassles, we’ve had no such luck. Everything everyone gave us was useful, one of a kind, and thoughtful. So, official thanks to follow, but THANK YOU to everyone for helping us get started and get our house full of sheets and towels and handy kitchen implements.

We went to IKEA yesterday and I got a desk, we got a bookshelf, and a few other odds and ends. I also got an AWESOME apron. And I totally think this is going to improve my desire and skill set when it comes to cooking. Whenever I mention this, John laughs. We did buy some chicken today, though, so I’m totally going to give it a try later. As we’ve been putting everything together and outfitting our home with all life’s little necessities, I had deja vu. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I felt like this feeling of nesty, contented satisfaction was somehow not new. Then I realized: what I’m feeling is comparable to how I felt when outfitting Barbie’s dream house as a little girl. And if you knew anything about how much I used to LOVE Barbie, you’d know my level of joyousness going through this process. As for John, I’d ask him how he feels AFTER he’s done putting the stuff in his bins away.

So yes. We’re back to work on Monday. I can’t believe how quickly everything has gone. Looking back at my entries before the wedding- I was PRETTY nervous. I prayed incessantly for a thousand things: clear skin, that my dress would fit (and I could breathe), a light breeze outside of the temple so I wouldn’t die taking pictures, that I wouldn’t get sick to my stomach, that people would come, that our parent’s planning would all go well and they wouldn’t be stressed, that we wouldn’t miss our flights, that John’s friends and family would like me, that John and I’d still love each other after it all….I’m happy to report that God must REALLY love me, and understand his daughters, or maybe knew that I couldn’t handle too many stressful happenings, because I couldn’t ask for a more perfect wedding. We stayed in Manti- I woke up early (REALLY early) but I slept well the night before. We stayed at the Rose Cottage- which was so beautiful and comfortable. It’s a woman’s home, but she rents out the upstairs (three bedrooms, three baths, whirlpool tubs) and a reception/luncheon room. I got my hair done at about 7:30, met John and the temple at 9, and didn’t feel stressed or rushed one bit. Everything was within 2-5 minutes from where we were staying, and Manti = no traffic, no hassle, no stress. The temple ceremony was beautiful. I just felt special. I got a lot of attention from the ladies in the temple, who helped me get dressed and find where I needed to go. It was all just perfectly simple- and as I looked around I saw family and friends and knew I was in the exactly right place. Before I knew it, I was marrying John! And never even once did I have cold feet. It was perfect. Afterwards, we went outside to greet everyone that came (Lindsey Gage came and was one of the first people I saw when I exited the temple!) and sure enough- and cool breeze continued throughout the day in Manti, making picture taking pleasant and the afternoon traveling bearable. We had a great luncheon down at the Rose Cottage, and then headed back to Provo for the reception/open house. It all went as planned! Amazing! More pictures, receiving line, dancing, cutting the cake- the night just flew. John and I both said that it all seemed just perfect- even though we hardly got to see all the nuances that the family put into it. As we look at the pictures and talk to people, we realise how amazing the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, and all the little details that were brought together to make it just right. Even an Armadillo cake! I’ll have to get some pictures up in my gallery soon. I loved talking with all the people that came, met people that had “met” me through this site, (hello Jenn and Kelly ) and yes, even being the center of attention for a bit. On my day, I REALLY felt like a princess.

So fast forward, spent the night in Salt Lake, flew out to Massachusetts and drove to Maine, and commenced honeymoon vacation. Maine was amazing. We stayed at the Morrill Mansion- charming. Very charming. It rained most of the time, and I can’t even tell you how happy that made me. We ate good food, walked around and went to fun shops- and looked at some of the schools in the area. It was quite relaxing. After Maine, we made our way back to Massachusetts to prepare for wedding celebrations, cont. We had a beautiful ring ceremony in Washington, Mass. in a little chapel my parents found. The day was started with hairdo’s for me + 5 bridesmaids, my maid of honor Auntie Paulette, and of course, Kayla, my cousin’s baby girl who looked too sad to be left out. After we got our hair done up, it was back to the house for honest-to-goodness My Big Fat Greek Wedding type chaos- complete with tuxes and shoes being strewn everywhere, and makeup done by my Mom, a la Bare Minerals (our new favorite)! Once we were all beautified, we drove to Washington. Once there, the ring ceremony started. It was a small crowd, but full of important people. Some of John’s friends from New Hampshire, my family from Connecticut, and my Scranton girls. Christine sang Push, by Sarah McLachlan. Hmmm…I can never spell her name right. John’s Dad spoke a bit about the temple, and the reason why it was so important for us to get married there. Andy (best man) ended up the flower boy, as his daughters who were the flower girls could barely manage to walk down the aisle with their bowling ball- flower arrangements. What was that florist thinking? Crazy woman! Sarah (Andy’s daughter) fell off a step after doing a little joyous dance (something to do with a pretty dress and tiara makes a girl want to dance) and Craig and Wesley were wiggly and had fun holding the rings. All in all- I say it was a SMASHING success. Perfect mixture of fun and meaningful. Then there was the party, where we danced our tushies off. We had the reception at the same Country Club that we had school dances at in high school. It’s across the road from my house. And as that ended- so did the wedding festivities. I truly feel like a girl who got it all. I am SO grateful to my Mom, and new Mom, and my new sisters for doing SO SO SO much work to get it all together.  I think the Dad’s helped a bit, too.  :)  I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Not one thing.

After that, we had a couple more days in MA, then flew back here to commence real life again. Now, as I’ve said, it’s time to set up our house, and enjoy our few more days of leisure before work starts, and then school starts, and the rest of our life starts. I’ve been a wee bratty for a couple of days, due to the heat, the mess in our house, and my CONSTANT hunger…whatever is up with THAT, but as we settle in, I’m starting to realise that I got a good one. A very good one. And I’m excited to be Mrs. Erin Hattaway.

We’ve got a few more days of hiding left…but we’ll be in the mix again soon. And for those of you that attended the wedding and I said we should do dinner sometime, I mean it! And if I didn’t suggest that to you- that must mean I didn’t like you very much. JUST KIDDING.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.

I’m getting married in THREE DAYS. Wowza. Today is girly day. My mom, Alicia, and I are all heading off to Seasons for some spa treatments. I LOVE Seasons. Things like this CAN be expensive…but if you only go all out one time, I think right before your wedding it’s appropriate. Before Friday we have a few more exciting to-do’s. We’re having Shower #2, to which mostly EVERYONE is coming. I think it’s going to be really fun to have everyone together in one room, just talking and eating and getting to know each other. I hope it’s fun, anyway! I hope we don’t throw a boring bash! Alicia and Megan did so well the first time, that we’ll probably just recreate some of the games they played. Maybe even both of them…we’ll see. We’ll talk it over at the spa today

So yes. I am a wee nervous. I am a wee aprehensive about all the things we have yet to get done. And yes, I am VERY very excited and can barely wait. I’m so excited that I’ve been sitting on the new Harry Potter for two days, hardly being able to concentrate long enough to get through two chapters. Oh well. Maybe on the plane.

Sooo soon!!

Hello to a new funky look for the website!  I was feeling something new, and when I found this template I KNEW it was perfect.  At least, until the day I figure out how to design my own templates…that will be exciting!  Nothing too exciting happening here, just running around visiting people and getting wedding stuff finished up.  John and I got our marriage license this morning :)  Yup, filled out the paperwork, swore before God and our country that we aren’t cousins, and got a cool keychain that says, “The First Bond of Society is Marriage.”   I was a little freaked (in that happy, panicky, wondeful way I sometimes get when thinking about the wedding) and had an interesting morning.  By afternoon, however, I was anxious to get home and go over my “wedding checklist” and track people down for the RSVP lists.  Let me clarify, I’m not nervous about BEING married, just about GETTING married.  Phew…nervous…but my Mom scheduled a spa mani/pedi for the two of us next week, so that’ll calm me down a little and make my hands and feet feel FAB for the big day.

In other news, John saved ALL his red bottlecaps for me, and now I have my own little plastic baggie of them for whenever I feel like I need a little sugary pick-me-up.  He’s a good one.

So, this morning, the love of my life showed up before I came to work. I was getting myself together and talking to my Mom (currently residing with me) and I hear a happy taptaptap at the door (which is weird, no one ever knocks…) and then in pops John. He exclaims, “Everyone’s cars are in the way!” “I look at him incredulously. I mean, it’s about 8:15 am. He’s up, and showered, and apparently, FULL of energy. “What do you need?” “I’ve got SEVEN boxes!!!” So I hand him the keys, still kind of bewildered. And after some good morning hugging, he proceeds to move cars so he can bring in some boxes of books and other odds and ends, including tents and old violins. So there it is. The man is excited about moving in He’s been up all night thinking about the wedding and writing and I’m sure a myriad of other things…and then he came over bright and early to share his energy.

The only thing is…now we probably won’t have so much energy for date night…wondering what we’re going to do….

Ahhh!  We’re soooo close!  And by the way, if any of you were looking forward to a post that did NOT contain something about the wedding, yeah…I had that as a goal at one point.  But I give up.  As of tomorrow, we’re 14 DAYS away!  Seriously, that’s two TWO two weeks.  I think everything is in place- to tell you the truth, I’ve had very little to do in all of this.  I had the music selection, some choices to make, addresses to find, then there was the dress and the tux coordination, etc., but I think the Moms are doing all the hard stuff.  I am very, very grateful for Moms, and think that everything is going to be a lot of fun.

Speaking of Moms, yes, mine is still here.  She’ll be here now until she goes back to MA after the wedding.  Aside from having a wee trouble working out comfy sleeping arrangements (which I think we’ve fixed) it’s all been good.  She’s been going back and forth to the hospital every day, and made her final trip at about 4am this morning to say goodbye to her sister before she passed way.   She didn’t quite make it in time, but had spent all of yesterday with her, and felt good about the time that she was there.  She was able to have a bit of time with her before turning around and coming home, and after releasing pent-up feelings on my house in the form of cleaning and talking with me a bit (she and I are just alike, we just CLEAN when we’re nervous or sad or anything at all….) she laid down to take a nap and I left for work.

Aside from being rather exhausted today, and having my head absolutely swimming with arrangements for this, appointments for that, and worries about this, excitement for that, I’m doing well.  I think I’m due for some good dinner (maybe breakfast, eggs and sausage!) and an early night with a good book.  Perhaps I’ll convince my mom to take a spin around the mall with me and try to let John have some time to write, since tomorrow IS date night.  Haha.  We’ll see….

It’s RAINING. It’s raining. It’s raining. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. As I was driving Jonathan to work this morning (he works landscaping) I said, “What will you do if it rains?” I meant, “Will you need to be picked up because your job is an outside job,” but he responded thoughtfully and seriously, “I will prance around like a gazelle. One of the small, light ones.” And that’s what you get when you stick two New England kids in a desert and expect them to get by with cool showers and lots of lotion. Actually, that was my first tip off this morning. I woke up, and didn’t immediately run for the lotion in an attempt to rehydrate my hands and face. Sometimes I wake up feeling so dry I think if I move to quickly I’ll crack and fall on the floor in a little pile of dust. Ok, maybe that’s taking it too far. But, anyway, I’m very, very happy that it’s raining. I hope it lasts past noon. I’m wondering if it’ll even last an hour.

So yes, everyone, I picked up the dress. It is currently hanging on the wall in my bedroom on a hook specifically installed for this purpose. When we picked it up yesterday, I was soooo nervous. It’s definitely fitted. It’s definitely heavy. So- I’ve started a new “be strong enough to wear the dress” program. It sounds silly- but I need to walk more and go to the gym a little more (meaning at all) so as to not be huffing and puffing around in this thing. It fits- but I don’t want to Dorito myself out of a dress in a month- so I’m going to be a little better about the millions of chips and peanut butter cups I usually consume daily. But it’s pretty. So pretty. It makes me feel pretty. I’m very, very happy.

My Mom is also sending me out a print of the painting we’ve chosen as the theme for our wedding, it’s Chagall’s Three Candles. We’re going to use it at the reception (my mom also used it for the stamps on the invites…she’s a crafty one), but then just have it at our house when we’re done. It’s so beautiful, what a good mom, huh? She’s also sending me out my map of my mission area in England and some lace that we had framed when I got home last year. This home is going to get decorated, yet!

I have to say, for the record, that I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe right now. Too many good things, a fiance who I LOVE, who cracks me up and and makes me think and supports me in all of my desires and endeavors, a brother who loves me enough to brave utter dehydration to spend a couple months with me before I get married, parents who understand and love me, and support my life choices, AND, ON TOP OF ALL THAT my new expanding family is loving and supportive and wonderful as well. Oh yes, and don’t forget a cozy, attractive place to live and good friends (the soul kind) scattered from coast to coast. Don’t know what I did to get it so good, but I’m happy about it.

Ok. I think I’m done running at the mouth about how I love my life right now.

So, on my way to work today- FOUR cops.  Where were they yesterday when I needed them??  John is sick today :(  I had a pretty uncomfortable stomach problem, a little bit on Sunday, mostly on Monday-  it felt just random enough to be some sort of bug, and now I think I’ve passed it on to the man that I love.  We’ve got to stop that!

So, last night, the salad went over just fine.  I saw some people eating it, and then I purposefully didn’t even look at it as I was leaving so that I didn’t have to know how good it ended up being.  The party was nice, and I did get to know a couple of new people. Mostly, though, I talked love and marriage with the girl who lives upstairs.  I think it bores people pretty quickly to hear me drone on and on about how I’m nervous about this, excited about that, can’t wait to go to Maine blah blah blah, but get two recently married/engaged girls together, and they can talk the subject to death without offending anyone.  Tonight I’m off to pick up my dress (hopefully, as along as it’s all set and ready to go, and fits well) and go out to dinner with Megan and Alicia.  We’ll finish planning the shower, and just have a little girl time.  It’s funny, I was explaining to Alicia on Saturday that at first when we’d go out, I’d think about John the whole time and really just want to go home.  Even if we ended up doing absolutely NOTHING, I just wanted to be near him.  Now, I feel like that compulsion has calmed down a bit.  Will I miss being around him tonight?  Yes, but I can still go out and spend some time with friends.  Plus (and this is actually important) it gives him time to write.   We’ve both expressed concern that by being together every second of every day (except for when we’re at work, of course) we limit his time and ability to concentrate on his writing.  If he wants to be a writer, he needs to write.   He’s got a new “secret” project going on right now.  He seems to be making pretty good progress, and that’s kind of exciting.   That is that.  So, I need to find ways to distract myself.  It’s good.  Progression.

So yeah, that’s the morning-time update.   Perhaps, more later.

SO. Today I woke up at a rather leisurely time, wandered around my room a bit, then took a bath. Saturday mornings has kind of become my bath time- keep in mind, I’ve never found baths relaxing. There’s always been too much going on, somewhere to go, or, if I’m really tired or not feeling well, I find that I’d rather just sleep. Since I’ve moved into this apartment and have had so much of my own space, I’ve found that it’s a nice way to ease into a Saturday morning. After seeing John for a second, I ran off for an afternoon with Alicia. I got a facial for the FIRST time ever. We’ve been going to a salon/spa every few weeks to experience new things. It was quite interesting. The aesthetician Meagan had a bunch of tools that reminded me of the scrapers they use in the dentist’s office. She warned me that it might be painful (she always says that) but it didn’t hurt at all. I really loved all the scrubs and lotions, and the “extractions” weren’t anything to worry about. Hopefully that’ll give my face a nice clean up before the wedding.

After that, we went down to Coldstone, Alicia had a starving student card that let us buy one get one free- so we had some ice cream for lunch. We talked a lot about the bridal showers we’re planning- it was fun to see it all coming together. I’ve never had anyone plan a party just for me. Actually, I’m pretty sure my Mom planned my b-day parties when I was a kid, but since I’ve gone old enough to take control of such events, I’ve usually been involved in most aspects of what ever is going on. It’s going to be fun to just go and see what Alicia and Megan (the sister, not the aesthetician) are putting together! We’re going to have TWO events, one shower for all the locals- and then another one for all the people who have to travel a bit to get down, or up, or across to get here. We’re waiting until a little closer to the wedding for that one.

So, all in all, a good day so far. We’ll see how the rest of it goes.

If I were a Queen on the Chessboard of my Google Calendar, my Wedding would be just a zigzag away. Yesterday, it was a straight shot. But, anyway, officially- we’re a month away. Crazy stuff, huh? Yesterday at work everyone kept saying, “You’re in the month range now! How are your feet?” So, for the record, feet are great.

So, it’s feeling like a Friday. I wonder why….oh yeah! We have tomorrow off! I love having a grown-up job that’s NOT retail that allows me to actually celebrate holidays. We (meaning John, Jon and I) plan to go up and hike Timp Cave. John got us tickets for a tour of sorts. It sounds like it’ll be cool, well, very hot, and then very cold. But I’m excited, seems like the perfect 4^th activity. Maybe on the way home from work today I’ll brave Harmons and get some hotdogs and hamburgs for our “contact grill,” and any other festive food- if they’ve got any left at this point. Then we’ll probably try to find a place to watch the fireworks. We’re thinking about the horse trail behind our house, we can walk to it. That’s going to be a lot of climbing stuff tomorrow- that’s for sure.

So yeah, I haven’t been feeling like updating the last couple of days- not sure why. I think it might be because I had a bit of a sickie beginning to the weekend, and then just felt rather tired over the rest of it. It was nice, though, we got a few things done here and there. We finally got out to IKEA, where I found the dresser of my dreams. (medium brown) It’s short, but long, and has six really huge drawers. I thought, “This is great! I can have half, and John can have half!” Well…we got it home and set it up (not too bad a task, but I was on the phone with my Mom for half of it…) and I started filling my half…and half of John’s half, and the other half of John’s half…SO, we’ll need another dresser in medium brown. But they’re so affordable at IKEA, so it’s ok. I told John I’d make room for him in there, and I COMPLETELY intended to, but he said not to worry. So it’s official, I have more room for my things that I’ve had in years. I think I’m spoiled, just a bit. It’s a nice feeling, setting up our apartment. It’s lucky we have similar tastes, huh? I called my Mom to tell her what we got at IKEA, the dresser, two clocks, a cool ice cube tray, and a bag of chips. All for around $200. Her reply: “Wow! All that and a bag of chips?” Yes, this is my mother. Haha.

In other news, we also had a bit of a crispy day in our neighborhood last week. The field across from our house caught on fire, and with the dry conditions (meaning no rain, ever, ever, ever) the blaze went up the hill and into the mountain. When I say it was across the street, I mean ACROSS THE STREET. Our house was filled with smoke for a couple of days- it was kind of gross. It was scary, too. There were helicopters trying to contain the flames, and the fire crews didn’t leave for a few days. A few still lurk around just in case. Apparently it came close to some homes, but everything turned out ok. People were evacuating their animals- but I don’t think anyone got hurt. I guess it got started from a spark off a lawn mower, or something. Interesting…I had never seen anything like that before.

Also, and I’ll let John spread the word on this one, we’re going to be in a movie. You’ll probably be able to buy it at WalMart for $12.99 next year sometime. I’m pre-embaressed. Just so you know.

When I was young, really really young, I thought that I was meant to meet the man that I would marry by the time I was, oh..I don’t know, 15? Date for a few years, graduate high school, and get married. This was about the time that my cousin Melissa and I would gather up our girl scouting books and play “college,” carrying books and pens and pencils from room to room in my house (because that’ s what you do in college). The hysterical thing was that we didn’t only have our college books and notebooks to tote around, we’d also have diaper bags and dolls- because of course we’d have babies by the time we were in college! Now, babies + college is definitely possible (especially at BYU…), and I’m sure that it works out quite well for a lot of people, but I think I had my own personal sequencing a bit mixed up. Growing up in a Navy town, I was taught that a college degree was “optional.” Marriage, however, was not. If I was lucky, I’d marry an officer. I’d pray for shore duty. Until he drove me crazy and then I’d pray for him to go out to sea. It was a really interesting place to grow up, especially considering that I didn’t realize that the pressures to create a country-serving family were even there. I had some problems in school- I didn’t really have too many friends and spent a lot of my time with my family and babysitting. Any extracurriculars I got involved in were because my cousin had joined. On top of all of it, I didn’t understand why the guidance counselors wouldn’t let me take classes that interested me. I went to them to ask if I could take Physics, and they told me that “sophomores don’t take physics.” I really, really didn’t get THAT logic- and went ahead and “took it at my own risk.” I figured out quickly that any rules they had weren’t necessarily rules, just standard procedure.

We moved away from Connecticut when I was 17, so I had my senior year at a different school entirely. I went from a class size of over a thousand to a class size of about 82. When I went to my homeroom the first morning I was there, I was told that I had caused all of the lockers to shift (for everyone with a last name that started with Sw and below, anyway) and, even worse, I had displaced the top ten. This school was ALL ABOUT preparing for college. I had always wanted to go to college, but it was only moving to MA that I was given the information that I needed to find out where I wanted to go, and how to get myself there. It was about this time that I stopped worrying about marriage all together. I didn’t (and don’t) believe in soul-mates. I don’t think that there is one specific person created for every other person. What I thought was that my choices would ultimately lead me to a position in life where I’d be ready for commitment, and someone else would have made choices that brought him to that same place, and we’d find each other. Romantic, huh? At the time, though, I had a teacher named Mr. Duquette. He made us memorize a saying, “True lovers don’t just find each other along they way. They’re in each other all along.” I can’t find where the quote comes from, I may have gotten it a bit wrong. I usually grabbed onto and believed EVERYTHING that Mr. Duquette said, but what about this? Just a romantic notion- and as I analyzed myself right at that moment, I didn’t feel anyone with me, or waiting for me. I never imagined there would be someone out there looking for someone else, not me necessarily, but someone with my qualities, the qualities that I would someday have because of my experiences. So, fast foward to my decision of where to go to college. I did NOT want to go to BYU. An expectation was set by my community (mostly, churchy community) that I go. I didn’t even apply. I applied to small, catholic schools- mostly Jesuit, and choose Scranton. After about 2 wonderful years there, I got antsy. I knew it was time for somthing to change, but what? I went home for Christmas and drove my parents crazy talking about a mission, no, maybe BYU? no…a mission! By the time I decided, I was heading into my junior year at Scranton. I had to break it to my best friends in the WORLD that I was leaving before senior year, I had to get my life together and realign every goal I had ever set, and prepare to go where ever I was sent. I think this was the first time in my life that I started thinking about marriage in a serious way. I knew it was going to be a priority, I’ve always wanted marriage and a family, and while I had “dated” some people in Scranton- it had amounted to a whole lotta nothing. None of my peers were even thinking about marriage yet, but I still felt a draw. Whether it was my LDS upbringing, my Navy upbringing, the fact that I was now 3 years beyond the age where my Mom and Dad were when they had gotten married, I don’t know. But I felt the pressure. I’ve always been more interested in people who were a bit older than me, and my silly, illogical fear was that by the time I got to where I was going (after the mission…) all the “good ones” would be taken. It sounds so silly now, but I was seriously freaked out that I was making the wrong choice, and delaying a life that I might not have the opportunity to choose again. I had to make a choice: go somewhere where I could possibly meet someone and start THAT life, or go on a mission, delaying it all for another year and a half. I knew, though, that I was meant to go on my mission. Before any serious doubts surfaced, I had my call- and I was preparing to go to England. I just figured that whoever I was meant to be with would wait for me, somehow, without even knowing who I was. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be.

So, I went to England. Again- so many reasons why I was meant to be there when I was there, but too length to discuss just now. I had decided, before I left, to apply to BYU as a transfer student for when I got home. It was crazy- the place I had hated and despised and made fun of and rejected, I was now applying to. I was accepted, given a leave of absence for the time left of my mission, and that was that. I knew where I was going when I got home. I didn’t feel much about it, except that it was right. When I got here, it was MAJOR culture shock. I was the only woman in most of my classes. Aside from the girls that I lived with, I didn’t spend much time with other girls. Most of my friends were the guys from my classes, and my social life consisted of class, study groups, work…and that’s about it. I didn’t expect to run into the same kinds of warnings I got in my first high school, the “there now little lady, can you really handle this class?” kind of warnings. It was an interesting mentality to overcome. When I went for job interviews on campus or talked to advisers, they always asked, “Are you married? Are you engaged? Dating seriously?” As if that would seriously change the advice they’d give me. At one point when John and I had first started dating, I was encouraged to get my doctorate in Comparative Religion. With a degree like that, and “being a woman,” I would have a place at BYU waiting for me. I have since decided that CR is not the path I want to take, but I wonder if the advice would have been different if I was engaged when I asked for it.

It’s like I’m in some kind of weird, “other-wordly” place. It’s not the same mentality as Groton, Dalton, or Scranton- that’s for sure. In some ways better, in some ways worse. But I guess the thing that remains consistent is that I will choose my own path no matter where I am. It’s too hard to conform to what people expect, it’s much better to follow your passion and your goals and your FUN to where you want to go next.

So, now I’m 24. Not to far from 18 (I’d like to think, anyway…) and I’m getting married. Do I believe that John and I were two pieces of one cosmic whole torn apart in the cosmos before being thrown to earth to find each other? Um, no. I don’t. But I DO know that I’ve made choices. I’ve gone places, I’ve felt the urgency to leave one place and go to another for reasons I didn’t understand at the time. I’ve needed certain experiences. I’ve gone through a few things that afterward I thought, “Now, well, I needed that!” with no specific explanation of WHY I needed that. I know that John has experienced the same thing. Do I think that maybe, just maybe, there is someone who knows us both so well- and has some amazing ability to get two people in the same place at the same time, first guiding them through a series of experiences in order to allow them to work out their own happiness? Now THAT’S a yes. So, in a way- without me even recognizing it, we’ve been there together all along. Maybe to a God who sees all time in one instant- it was just a waiting game, and when we were listening, we were encouraged to wait. And I guess that’s the point,  I’m finally understanding what Mr. Duquette meant.